Here are points for any married couple to learn …….
My parents celebrated their golden anniversary on June 25th 2016. On that wonderful day, their daughter (that’s me) and granddaughters took them out to dinner, and afterwards my father presented my mother with a beautiful diamond ring.
Every married couple would like to know how they’ve kept their love for each other alive.
“What has been the best thing about your wife?” I asked my father.
He said, “She never asked me for anything.”
When I asked my mother the same question, she said, “I never had to ask, because he always gave me everything I needed.”
She had come from a mother who believed in ‘contentment’, and that is all I ever heard my mother talk about all my life. “The secret of happiness is in Contentment.”
Should I end this post here?
Do you think there is more to it?
Yes, I agree, there is much more to it.
I’ve grown up with parents who always looked out for each other. I never heard my mother talk back to her husband. (It wasn’t that she never disagreed, she just saw the futility of speaking when he is not in his right frame of mind.) – So she wisely chose to stay quiet. Maybe, days later, she would broach the subject in her own loving way – When my father was in a more receptive mood. It was a matter of wise timing.
So what qualities have I witnessed? Here are a dozen points I’ve collected for you:
- Love. Total and complete love, which I’ve seen in every form: there were times, lately when my mother wasn’t too well. I asked my father to get a maid to take care of her. But he refused, saying “She has taken care of me all my life, now it’s my turn to take care of her myself”.
- Loyalty. Never letting anyone get away with talking against one’s husband or wife.
- Patience. I’ve watched my mother being so patient through situations which would have driven anybody else crazy. Not her. She sits calmly, finding something to occupy herself with like knitting, embroidery, cooking or reading. Lately, she has taken up watching Pakistani dramas on her tablet! She keeps herself busy and stays calm.
- Expressiveness. One is never at a loss when one is with any one of them. Each one says exactly what he or she feels. Yet my mother knows when not to express also. When they were building their house, she would keep quiet and let my father make the main decisions. When I asked her why doesn’t she speak to him? She would say, “I don’t think its that important that I spoil our relationship over it.” So, she chose to keep her opinions to herself. This has been her policy a lot of times. She believes that nothing is worth spoiling the atmosphere of one’s home for. So, she kept her peace.
- Humor. Laughing out loud and ‘catching’ the humor in situations. In the grimmest of circumstances, I’ve seen them laughing and telling jokes. My father came back from 1965 war, with his funny tales, then after the life in POW camps and even the solitary confinement which is the severest form of torture. He came telling us jokes of his times in the camps. When he sat at the table, he said, “where is my dish? Daal! I’ve only had that all these years!” Then he had everyone in stitches telling us about the radio program of messages which all the prisoners would listen to with great sentiments. Once a person sent a recorded message on radio, of how “Rodu also has failed!” (Baldi has failed in his exams…) Now, what was the need of sending such a message? So it was hilarious. He came back full of stories. One of them was when a Sikh guard inadvertently walked into their make-shift mosque. So, they all gathered around him telling him “How dare you go into our mosque with your shoes on?” The guard duly apologized, but on the side my father told his friends jokingly, “we never go there, why are you going?” There he was, laughing and telling everyone jokes. We all knew the horrors of the experience. He was just trying to make light of it, (what was the point of sharing the horrors?) later on, he did share these with us. But I’m sure, he left the grizzly stuff out.
- Financial interdependence. My father has always handed over every penny he had to my mother. She has been his custodian of all important papers and cash. He knew he could trust her. Her amazing memory and skills in mathematical calculations make her the best person for the purpose. No matter how tempting a thing might be, she won’t buy it if she can’t afford it. She has never bothered with what was the ‘fashion’ or ‘trend’. Yes, if she could easily afford something she would get it. She loved spending on her home, husband or her daughter. However, all within limits. My father knew that she would try to keep some money on the side, for a ‘rainy day’, so he could depend on her to bail him out when needed.
- Courage. Both my parents have never lacked in courage and valor. Both have been brave and courageous in their own ways.
- Caring in every possible way. They both have cared for their partner like anything. When mum was fine, my father was the pampered one. She took care of him like anything. He was the pampered eldest son in his home and the brother of three doting sisters. So, he was used to being given top priority all the time. My mother also saw to it that our household literally revolved around my father’s requirements and wishes. His preferred foods were always served the way he liked them. Yet he too encouraged and supported my mother’s preferences in style of serving food and the English way of laying a table, and having both English and Punjabi style food. Both respected and honored each other’s wishes, so parathas, daal and saag was enjoyed with ‘makai ki roti’, along with soups, stew, roast, and cakes and tarts.
- Praising one’s partner. Always blowing each other’s trumpet, both of them have admired each other and do not leave out any opportunity to praise each other up.
- Ignoring each other’s irritating habits. Being human, naturally, each one has habits which the other finds difficult, but they will both show so much tolerance for it. Patiently waiting for the other partner to get ready, or any other thing.
- Looking out for other person’s interests and needs. Both are interested in sports. They love to watch tennis and keep each other updated. My father enjoys watching cricket. He will be up at all odd hours watching the latest matches. My mother hates the noise in the room, but will patiently tolerate it, while she tries to sleep. Having common interests. My parents have played chess always. Both are brilliant in it. They literally spend hours playing the game.
- Faith. I’ve seen them facing great financial and other life’s hardships with patience and tolerance.