Many times in life, we are overwhelmed with our ‘to do’ list. Mostly, at such times, the first ones we ‘sacrifice’ are, our loved ones.
Then what happens?
When that project is completed, you say, ‘while I was doing that project, my normal work got neglected, so I have to complete that now!’ So, then the family gets neglected again!
Weekend after weekend is ‘sacrificed’ for the ‘work’ which keeps coming with every ‘success’.
Till one fine day, your loved ones get fed up of waiting for you. When you look back, there is no one waiting for you any more.
So, today, if your mother, or spouse or loved one keeps calling you and finding out if you are fine. Value their presence in your life.
Once they know, that there will always be ‘more important’ things for you to do during your time with them. Most relationships face rocky grounds due to this. If you don’t want that, then read on. If you are fine with that. Then you have more ‘important’ things to do than reading this stupid blog post,
This blog post is all about ‘how to meet your deadlines, and keep your loved ones happy with you also!’
You see the problem is, that every project faces unexpected road blocks, and many unprecedented issues. Your intent wasn’t bad. But it was unrealistic.
So, the thing is that we have to put every ‘project’ and ‘work’ in its place in our lives. So, we can have what matters in our own lives in spite of it.
I’ll share these beautiful words with you by Rabindranath Tagore: ***
This is all we need: Courage, patience, lots of strength …. and who helps us in having this courage, patience and strength? Yes, it is those loved ones in our lives.
Know that all projects take time:
So, during that time, we’ve got to manage ourselves very well.
You know what life is like these days? It’s a flood of work, followed by a tornado of work.
So, its time to get smart.
Working without getting overwhelmed:
- Prioritize: By being super smart: Prioritize according to importance, rather than urgency.(Remember, Stephen R. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? ) Use it.
- Pray hard: Give five minutes of prayers. Real intense praying is needed. It’s the most important relationship …the one with our Maker. It is the most vital one. Everything else depends on this single relationship.
- Relationships:Of course it is complicated, depending on the relationship. Mostly, each one wants to be heard. When you give them time, give your full attention too.Sometimes even ten minutes can be enough if you make it powerful enough. Remember, in the end, nothing and no success is worth the price of a relationship.
- Starting with the most important: Once you’ve picked the most important part of the project or chore to be done. Maintain a balance. Take along a few other things too. But try just sticking to five at a time.
- How to have your love one’s understanding: Plan activities with your loved ones, as you launch the projects close to your heart. Keep your loved ones also close to yourself, as you do your project. Share the experiences. (Not just, ‘oh I’m so busy! There is so much to do…’ Give details of your work. Show your loved ones where you are busy and why. You want their understanding, show them why and how. Not by keeping them out of it all, but by including them inside it. (Even if it is metaphorically speaking.) I remember, my Dad, having his dinner at 12.00 am. Mum and I would be sitting next to him while he had his food, he told us about his day. (He had left home at 7.30 am that morning.) Like this many months would go by, but my father always kept us in the picture. In his engaging manner, he would tell us about some interesting characters he met, or about the out of the ordinary that happened that day. We felt part of his life. When he went on trips abroad, he returned with his bags full of gifts for us.
Fix goals/projects within a time table:
- Make a time table including all chores. Remember, that if it doesn’t get completed within that time, then get on to the next chore. Do not extend the time period at that time. Otherwise, it will play havoc with the rest of your goals; Or you will start a ripple effect of more issues. For example, in school or university when a ‘period’ or ‘class’ ends then the next class begins. The previous ‘work’ can be completed at another time slot. Or next week.
- Realistic time perception of a project or task: It is when we get into it that we realize all the hang ups it has inside it. So, the extra hours must not be at the expense of your family or your own self.
- Do not believe the ‘experts’: You go to a lawyer, till he is paid up, he paints a rosy picture of everything. Especially about how long it will take. After you have paid up, and done all the fetching and carrying for his royal highness, then his face changes. I remember, how the lawyer would say, while taking the money for anything, ‘Oh this won’t take long! Just a few weeks.’ Once paid up. Even after three months if I asked why its taking so long? He would get upset and start getting rude and obnoxious. Saying, ‘how can you expect it to be done immediately? (Of course it was my fault now!), Then he would add, ‘if you don’t trust me, get another lawyer!’(After all, he had taken all the cash anyway!)
- Everything takes more time than estimated: when my husband passed away, the pension process, I thought would get done very quickly. As it was the only aspect without many hang ups. Still it took around five months to actually happen. it was the same with my friend Shehla whose husband Air Cdre (Rtd) Rehmat, when he got shot, when he went for a walk in the nearby park. Both our pensions took five months to come, till then we had to manage somehow.
- Similarly, the succession certificate which was to be ready within ten days or two weeks took a hell of a lot more time to get done!
- Breaks and Recess period: Just as every ‘time table’ has ‘breaks and recess period’ in it, similarly, make sure you have breaks for sheer relaxation and enjoyment within your timetable. This includes time slots with your loved ones. During these times, do not take ‘business calls’ or any such stuff. Be absolutely mentally and physically free. This is vital for ‘sharpening the Saw’, or to recharge your batteries. Muslims have prayers to unwind, and then you have to reconnect with your other half and dear ones too.
Today, I received a phone call from my tenant Muhammad Ali, who has recently left, and we had to work out the security and bills’ payments. He said he was at the Qul of my father’s as well as at the time of ‘janaza’. He saw me meeting those who had come that day. He was shocked at how composed I was, and how well I managed everything. He admired how much in control I was.’ His father-in-law used to stay with him. He had gone through the death of his father-in-law just a couple of months ago, so he knew what it entails. That’s why he appreciated my composure. Of course, it all was accomplished with the help of my Allah’s help. His, and so many well wishers, friends and dear ones. Specially due to the army which rose to the occasion. However, I had also made all arrangements otherwise, too.
It all comes with training, and being organized. If you aren’t, you can get swept aside. At such times all you need is to have is to do ‘self talk’ with yourself. In my case I told myself:
- I will not cry.
- As my father’s only child, I would manage everything with command and control. So, I took a few minutes of planning and organizing of the situation and managed with the help of my cousin Hasan. I made the necessary phone calls and had the concerned persons on board.
- From previous experiences I had already learnt, that being weak only invites the wrong elements into your life.
- It took me over six years to get over my husband’s death; I’m not going to take that long this time. Instead, I’ll be grateful to my Allah for all the time I had with my father.
The rest will all be handled with Allah’s blessings and His angels who have helped me always. There are my mentors, guides, well-wishers and loved ones who are always there for me.
All this happens, if you have paid them attention during the ‘good’ times also. It happens when you include them in your time table no matter how ‘busy’ you are in your life.
Stay blessed, my sensitive readers. 🙂