What to look for in a Life Partner.

The scary business of choosing a life partner.

Making the decision to choose a life partner is the toughest decision of one’s life.   It has to be a decision which is straight from the heart – preferably, keeping both head and heart in sync. It is even tougher if you are choosing one for your child, or helping your friend in the process.

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How I brought up my three daughters.

Today I’m sharing my parenting style with you.

I’m gaining fame these days. Not because of myself, but because of my daughters. Yes, I’m the proud mother of three star daughters.

They are all grown up now. Nataliya has a photography business in Seattle, and was the first blogger in our family. She is married to a brilliant software engineer. Second one Nadiya has recently moved to Halifax. She is a blogger, career-girl-turned-homemaker. She is married to young multi-talented aero-space engineer who is into data analysis these days. Then there is my youngest daughter Waliya who is a photographer in Islamabad, she runs a successful business of her own.

All three are independent, strong and confident.

Masha Allah!

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Maintaining Relationships

“Love your relations” Said General Jilani to my father, then he added with a twinkle in his eyes, “ – but only from a distance!” General Jilani, was my father’s senior, when he joined the army. Later, he became the Governor of Punjab, however their closeness continued.  By the way, his home was always full of guests and relations. So, don’t take these remarks too seriously.

There is a lot of wisdom in this remark too. 😉 It just means, ‘be in contact, but give space to each other!’ So, that is what I’m talking about….

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Eid Preparations’ check list.

 

No matter how well organized you are, Eid comes as a bit of a surprise. As I write, Eid hasn’t been announced even at 11.00 pm Pakistan time, on June 14th,2018. So, obviously, Eid won’t be on fifteenth June here.

A couple of hours ago, as I was busy doing up the home for my last minute preparations for Eid. I thought why not share this experience with you? I just love doing up the home for Eid. Here is a checklist:

1. Clean house properly. I’m sure you have checked the house from inside out. Got every room properly cleaned. Specially the fans. Made the gardener prune the plants. Shifted the indoor and outdoor plants a little. Removed all burnt out leaves and got the place fully cleaned.

2. The clothes are all ready and hanging in the cupboards. You must have done them up two days ago. Yes, couldn’t get the right shoes, but there are so many in the cupboard, I’m sure at least one pair will do fine. Check out the accessories, handbag, perfumes etc.

3. Food is the main concern: So, the menu has to be good enough for snacks and a meal, if some guests decide to stay, because you can’t resist insisting! Haleem is a good one, as it goes for a snack as well as a meal. As far as proper lunch is concerned, I love Chinese food, as it is light. Hope you got it ready or can get home delivery.

Check out from the restaurant, if they do home delivery. Otherwise, a good old pizza is also good enough! Just be kind to yourself and avoid last minute cooking and being in a hot kitchen. Fresh fruits are the best, as these are healthy and wonderful. If there are lots of guests in house and more are expected, then something wholesome like biryani, karahi or haleem would be good. Please be practical. Please do not insist on people having the food if they don’t want to.

4. A touch of panache: Tea-candles, sparkly lights, and lots of plants and flowers everywhere, really make a festive look. If you don’t have enough fresh flowers, put some artificial flowers into the different arrangements. So, your one bouquet of flowers can go a long way, if you use it smartly.

5. Set your own mood first: I know you are a bit nervous, wondering if the food will be enough, if the house is looking okay or not, perhaps angry with your tailor for messing up your clothes a bit. No one will notice if you keep that blazing smile of yours full on. You were too busy with your job/activities/praying and taravia routine/ daura-e-Quran/ social work. Now, with Eid on one’s head, only one day to go you are wondering where to start. Set the mood of yourself and your home in order. It is time to relax and enjoy it all.

6. Visiting list: Do visit all those family members or friends who lost a family member during last few months. So, this is their first Eid. You can start your visiting session from their home. Also, if there is a person who is alone, because his or her children are abroad, or has some problem, you can invite the person over for lunch. In short, be kind to someone.

7. Gifts: Getting nice gifts for family members with cards is a very good gesture. No matter how much you can afford or be able to do for them, it is the thought that counts. Have nice games, and favorite dishes cooked so everyone feels loved and happy.

8. Sharing joys of Eid: I’m sure you gave new clothes to all your staff, and also to others in your community. Keep things within limits. Do not get pestered by bullying beggars and staff members. Remember, the ones who are silent, may be in greater need.

9. Be kind to your staff: If you are lucky enough to have them with you, plan in such a way, that they are not put through too much stress. Ease the systems in your home. Have self-help table arranged, so everyone just helps themselves. When you go visiting, let them have leave, so they too can go visiting. Lock up the house, put on your alarm system.

10. Texting and phoning loved ones and acquaintances: Try to call your close friends and relatives, if possible. Send a text if it is inevitable. Preparing a special text which you can share them with almost everyone is a good way to manage.

11. No phone: Please give more attention to your loved ones sitting next to you. Put that phone aside, and have eye contact while talking to your friends who have come all the way to meet you, rather than with your phone!

12. Have a blessed Eid: Do say the Eid prayers in the mosque or at home. Make it a special Eid, life is too short to be wasted, sleeping it out. Eid Mubarak!

Note: Photographs by author of house of Haroon and Uzma, and her own home.

 

Shendi wedding – the best option.

Hope it becomes the trend setter.

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There is a vision of mine; Our Pakistani weddings are going to become trend setters all over the world. Especially with the Shendi style of wedding that I witnessed a few days ago. As usual, the food, and everything was  put together in such a beautiful and fairy tale way.

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While it was the typical Pakistani wedding, what I loved most about it was the fact that it was all over and done with, in ONE evening. All the festivities were compressed into one evening of two-and-half-hours.

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Right from the dresses, the décor’ of the marquee, to the delicious food, the valet parking outside, the beautifully decorated hall, the fresh flower bouquets, the chandeliers, everything was tastefully and beautifully done. The hundreds of guests were all dressed in their elegant best.  It was the  complete extravaganza.

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Strengths of our Family now

I feel like writing a letter to my late husband.
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Dear NK,

You wrote your article on our family strengths in 2009. That was two years before you left our world. I was reading it today. The way you wrote was so detailed and so amazing.  I feel like writing an epilogue to your article. Just to let you know how we all have been after you left.

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Happy Birthday Haaris

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You know, something Haaris? I wrote three blogs on you and all disappeared! That’s the computer world for you. Is it called, getting jinxed or something like that? Now, I’m feeling quite low, so this is my fourth attempt. Writing needs to be done in a fresh mode, but I’m not letting go that easily. Just as you didn’t. Just as you made your intent clear to the universe and won in the end, in the same way… in a very humble way… this blog. Yes, finally my blog on someone who deserves to be written on. Someone whom I’ve known since his mom was expecting him! Yes, Rumi and I met for the first time in a new year party in PAF Sargodha Officer’s Mess. We didn’t know how close we’d end up being… Allah has His beautiful ways.

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Now, before I get all sentimental. Let me cut across over 3 decades and tell you why I want to write about you. Actually it is like an open letter to my son-in-law:

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Happy birthday Bilal! :)

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Today, a strange thing happened: Nataliya had asked me to make a video for you, for your birthday. Believe me, I made three videos. Each time it would get too long. I was literally flooded with memories…. I was already considering writing a blog post on you.

This did it. I realized a two-minute video couldn’t do justice to such an amazing personality. So, on your fortieth birthday, I want to wish you a very happy birthday.

 You were less than thirty years old when you came to take my daughter’ hand in marriage, you and your qualifications were awesome. – Just the distance from here was the hitch. (The way the marriage happened was another interesting story! Perhaps another blog about how an arranged marriage was arranged. ) Your comment later on, that “it was all planned by the Master Planner,” seemed the only feasible theory. It was not just your qualification of having worked for so long in Microsoft. More than that was your multifaceted introvert personality; your love for art, literature, music and the fact that you write very well. – All qualities I really admire. Perhaps the best thing was and is your sense of humor.

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Fantastic birthday ideas

My daughter Waliya and I share the same birthday. So, we have a blast together, all thanks to our family and friends.  Its always been this way, but this year’s birthday really took the cake!

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May I say I had one of the happiest birthdays of my life – that’s saying a lot – because I’ve had some fantabulous birthdays! This one was the best as it was full of surprises and gifts which showed that it had a year of planning and efforts in it. Just awesome. Suddenly, I realized that the stage of my age is not bad at all. I must have done something good in these years to have such a great birthday, but we all know, it’s the gift from God to be blessed so much.

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Nataliya and Nadiya, my daughters living out of town, one in Seattle, one in Lahore and Waliya the one living with me in Islamabad all of them had been working on it- as it was a milestone – (tombstone????) –  Nadiya herself came as part of the ‘birthday gift’ (God bless my son-in-law Haaris and his mother Rumi).

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Brig Jaffar Khan, My Debonair Uncle

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When someone near and dear to you, suddenly leaves the world, its hard to accept. We say ‘Inna lillahe wa inna ilaihe rajiun’ (to Him we belong and to Him we return). It takes time for the words to sink into ourselves and our lives. There is this complete form of inertia that you suddenly feel, when your heart isn’t into anything you do – even though you keep trying to force yourself into  a normal life.

It was the recent death of my uncle Brig. Jaffar Khan which shook us all up. As a child, I always admired my dashing and  debonair uncle who was in the army’s Guides’ Cavalry, and the President’s Body Guard during the times of President Ayub Khan. He was a sword of honor winner too. Now, leading a retired life in his farm house where their horses were in the stables and the lovely flora and fauna grew with so much pampering from the loving care given by him and his loving wife, Shahnaz Jaffar.

Brig Jaffar, thirteen years younger than my dad, has been a wonderful brother to him.

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Brig Jaffar Khan sitting with his eldest brother Sarfaraz Khan.

He has been a constant factor all my life. You know the kind of uncle whom you don’t even have to ask. He is just there for you, no matter what!

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Brig Jaffar standing between his youngest brother Dr. Riaz Khan Gheba, and Col. M. Mumtaz Khan, behind their eldest brother Sarfaraz Khan.( May, 2016.)

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