Dealing with Overwhelming work.

Many times in life, we are overwhelmed with our ‘to do’ list. Mostly, at such times, the first ones we ‘sacrifice’ are, our loved ones.

When I went to my roof, I found the rainwater had collected on the rooftop. I love reflections, they help me reflect on my situation and my life. I love the sight of mountains and reflections. It brings perspective in life, which is essential. 

Then what happens? 

When that project is completed, you say, ‘while I was doing that project, my normal work got neglected, so I have to complete that now!’ So, then the family gets neglected again!

Weekend after weekend is ‘sacrificed’ for the ‘work’ which keeps coming with every ‘success’. 

Till one fine day, your loved ones get fed up of waiting for you. When you look back, there is no one waiting for you any more. 

So, today, if your mother, or spouse or loved one keeps calling you and finding out if you are fine. Value their presence in your life. 

Once they know, that there will always be ‘more important’ things for you to do during your time with them. Most relationships face rocky grounds due to this. If you don’t want that, then read on. If you are fine with that. Then you have more ‘important’ things to do than reading this stupid blog post,

This blog post is all about ‘how to meet your deadlines, and keep your loved ones happy with you also!’

You see the problem is, that every project faces unexpected road blocks, and many unprecedented issues. Your intent wasn’t bad. But it was unrealistic. 

So, the thing is that we have to put every ‘project’ and ‘work’ in its place in our lives. So, we can have what matters in our own lives in spite of it. 

I’ll share these beautiful words with you by Rabindranath Tagore: ***

This is all we need: Courage, patience, lots of strength …. and who helps us in having this courage, patience and strength? Yes, it is those loved ones in our lives. 

Know that all projects take time:

So, during that time, we’ve got to manage ourselves very well.

You know what life is like these days? It’s a flood of work, followed by a tornado of work.

So, its time to get smart.

Appreciating everyone coming over to give us their time and attention. Having simple meals together is like a tonic for all.  Give time to loved ones during meal times with your attention.

Working without getting overwhelmed:

  1. Prioritize: By being super smart: Prioritize according to importance, rather than urgency.(Remember, Stephen R. Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? ) Use it.
  2. Pray hard: Give five minutes of prayers. Real intense praying is needed. It’s the most important relationship …the one with our Maker. It is the most vital one. Everything else depends on this single relationship.
  3. Relationships:Of course it is complicated, depending on the relationship. Mostly, each one wants to be heard. When you give them time, give your full attention too.Sometimes even ten minutes can be enough if you make it powerful enough. Remember, in the end, nothing and no success is worth the price of a relationship.
  4. Starting with the most important: Once you’ve picked the most important part of the project or chore to be done. Maintain a balance.  Take along a few other things too. But try just sticking to five at a time.
  5. How to have your love one’s understanding: Plan activities with your loved ones, as you launch the projects close to your heart. Keep your loved ones also close to yourself, as you do your project. Share the experiences. (Not just, ‘oh I’m so busy! There is so much to do…’ Give details of your work. Show your loved ones where you are busy and why. You want their understanding, show them why and how. Not by keeping them out of it all, but by including them inside it. (Even if it is metaphorically speaking.) I remember, my Dad, having his dinner at 12.00 am. Mum and I would be sitting next to him while he had his food, he told us about his day. (He had left home at 7.30 am that morning.) Like this many months would go by, but my father always kept us in the picture. In his engaging manner, he would tell us about some interesting characters he met, or about the out of the ordinary that happened that day. We felt part of his life. When he went on trips abroad, he returned with his bags full of gifts for us. 

Fix goals/projects within a time table:

  • Make a time table including all chores. Remember, that if it doesn’t get completed within that time, then get on to the next chore. Do not extend the time period at that time. Otherwise, it will play havoc with the rest of your goals; Or you will start a ripple effect of more issues. For example, in school or university when a ‘period’ or ‘class’ ends then the next class begins. The previous ‘work’ can be completed at another time slot. Or next week.
  • Realistic time perception of a project or task: It is when we get into it that we realize all the hang ups it has inside it. So, the extra hours must not be at the expense of your family or your own self.
  • Do not believe the ‘experts’:  You go to a lawyer, till he is paid up, he paints a rosy picture of everything. Especially about how long it will take. After you have paid up, and done all the fetching and carrying for his royal highness, then his face changes. I remember, how the lawyer would say, while taking the money for anything, ‘Oh this won’t take long! Just a few weeks.’ Once paid up. Even after three months if I asked why its taking so long? He would get upset and start getting rude and obnoxious. Saying, ‘how can you expect it to be done immediately? (Of course it was my fault now!), Then he would add, ‘if you don’t trust me, get another lawyer!’(After all, he had taken all the cash anyway!)
  • Everything takes more time than estimated: when my husband passed away, the pension process, I thought would get done very quickly. As it was the only aspect without many hang ups. Still it took around five months to actually happen. it was the same with my friend Shehla whose husband Air Cdre (Rtd) Rehmat, when he got shot, when he went for a walk in the nearby park.  Both our pensions took five months to come, till then we had to manage somehow.
    • Similarly, the succession certificate which was to be ready within ten days or two weeks took a hell of a lot more time to get done!
  • Breaks and Recess period: Just as every ‘time table’ has ‘breaks and recess period’ in it, similarly, make sure you have breaks for sheer relaxation and enjoyment within your timetable. This includes time slots with your loved ones. During these times, do not take ‘business calls’ or any such stuff.  Be absolutely mentally and physically free. This is vital for ‘sharpening the Saw’, or to recharge your batteries. Muslims have prayers to unwind, and then you have to reconnect with your other half and dear ones too.

Today, I received a phone call from my tenant Muhammad Ali, who has recently left, and we had to work out the security and bills’ payments. He said he was at the Qul of my father’s as well as at the time of  ‘janaza’. He saw me meeting those who had come that day. He was shocked at how composed I was, and how well I managed everything. He admired how much in control I was.’ His father-in-law used to stay with him. He had gone through the death of his father-in-law just a couple of months ago,  so he knew what it entails. That’s why he appreciated my composure. Of course, it all was accomplished with the help of my Allah’s help. His, and so many well wishers, friends and dear ones. Specially due to the army which rose to the occasion. However, I had also made all arrangements otherwise, too. 

It all comes with training, and being organized. If you aren’t, you can get swept aside. At such times all you need is to have is to do ‘self talk’ with yourself. In my case I told myself: 

  1. I will not cry.
  2. As my father’s only child, I would  manage everything with command and control. So, I took a few minutes of planning and organizing of the situation and managed with the help of my cousin Hasan. I made the necessary phone calls and had the concerned persons on board.
  3. From previous experiences I had already learnt, that being weak only invites the wrong elements into your life. 
  4. It took me over six years to get over my husband’s death; I’m not going to take that long this time. Instead, I’ll be grateful to my Allah for all the time I had with my father. 

That’s all.

The rest will all be handled with Allah’s blessings and His angels who have helped me always. There are my mentors, guides, well-wishers and loved ones who are always there for me.

All this happens, if you have paid them attention during the ‘good’ times also. It happens when you include them in your time table no matter how ‘busy’ you are in your life.

Stay blessed, my sensitive readers. 🙂

Alone or Lonely?

 

40589432_2133427946690486_3886131738505641984_nSometimes, I see Mom struggling with her sleep, to give me company. When I say, ‘Mom, why don’t you go to sleep?’

‘Then you will be all alone!’ She says.

‘Hey, I don’t mind being alone at all.’ I keep trying to convince her.

Being a widow doesn’t mean that one is all alone. I mean, just remember, when hubby dear was alive, how much time did we spend together anyway? The man went to office, then his sports and other activities. Yes, we had meals together, mostly. But there was a lot of time spent on one’s own even then. So, it is okay, to be alone. I remember there were times, when kids were small and I was on holiday from my job, I’d look forward to some ‘me time’ alone.

I’m sure you do, too.

 

It was something for which one often yearned. Specially, us writers and artists, do need time to collect our thoughts.

I’m sure everyone does.

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Staying Connected

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No matter where you choose to live, it is important to make time to be with your near and dear ones. It’s obvious why you left Pakistan (or whichever country you left) – for greener pastures abroad! Actually, you left your country for many reasons: Interfering ‘family network’, lack of punctuality, challenging job situations, flies, mosquitos, garbage heaps,  corruption, joblessness, class difference, witnessing poverty first hand, street children. Yes, I know, the list is endless.

But.

When you left, you found, that you had replaced these problems with other problems: So, instead of the class difference back home, you found a lot of racism in your adopted country. (Since when did a wheatish complexion turn ‘black’ or ‘brown’?) Receiving special treatment at airports sometimes, combined with extra questioning at immigration.  Many times you cannot ‘connect’ with the people, you feel so much loneliness. The big news is, there are crooks there too, and lots of office politics. So, you have to watch out.

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The time of my life

I’m so happy living in today’s world…

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Absolutely love it.  People constantly talk about how great the past was. Actually, one realises things are much better now.

As a writer, I’ve been through all the computer programs starting with WordStar. I clearly remember the time when Microsoft was a fresh new word. I thought, ‘Oh God, another word processing program to learn???’ NOOOOOoooo! I had wanted to stay with WordStar. Then I was told, ‘you’ll have to shift because everyone is on to it now!’ Yes, I had to!

30715888_1917775584922391_740927475407650816_nMy husband and I had the same desktop computer. One fine day I’d come to find it all changed. He had updated and upgraded the computer. So, then I’d have to learn new ways. I had deadlines to meet. I had to send regular articles to Dawn or Woman’s Own magazine.  It was quite horrific for me. Usually, I was teaching, busy with my three kids, and air force social life. It was quite a challenge!

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‘Tarr Tarr’ of frogs

Do we speak too much sometimes?

 

imagesOne of my favorite jokes is of two frogs sitting side by side and ‘chatting’… one says:

‘Tar’ (that’s what frogs say!)

The other one says, ‘tar’,

This goes on for a while till the first one says: ‘

‘tar tar’

‘Why did you change the topic?’ the second frog gets angry.

So this is how most relationships go. We all go in same kind of circles. The moment we try to say or do something new, the other person retaliates, angrily.

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Spring in Islamabad and in my life.

Spring is a new beginning…

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Spring is a time of fresh beginnings and of hope. It is a time of flowering of all your efforts. It is the time when you are ready to come close to the fruits surfacing from your efforts.  Most of all to look into a lovely fresh start in your life.

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Islamabad’s Ninth Avenue or the Agha Shahi Road has a short span of blossoming spring. It is amazing for a few days and hopefully a couple of weeks, you will find lots of cars stopping by the roadside, to capture these moments of beauty:

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Loved this tree which was in full bloom even though it had fallen!

So, this is a glimpse into the spring in Islamabad which I love. As far as spring in my life is concerned, it has come in several ways….

Continue reading “Spring in Islamabad and in my life.”