Realization & writing journals.

‘It’s a quality of prophets to realize….’ said Dr. Muwaddat Rana, a leading Psychiatrist of Pakistan. 

Realization:

Realization is to look within ourselves, to ‘see’ our own shortcomings, and then to find ways to improve ourselves.

Simple!

Until we don’t realize where we went wrong, we can never remake ourselves, nor improve our future relationships.  You can say or do what you like, but it won’t work.

See how two Prophet’s felt it:

Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) case:

I’m sure you’ve heard of the woman who brought her child to the Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), saying, ‘she has too many sweets, please tell her to stop.’ He asked her to return next day. When she came, he told the child not to have sweets. Surprised, she asked ‘why he didn’t say the same yesterday?’ He said,

‘Till yesterday, I was having too many sweet eatables myself.’

How can one tell others to do something, which one doesn’t follow oneself?

This is realization.

It was Hazrat Younus, who prayed:

one of the most powerful prayers you can say. 

Realizations in relationships:

It is the most important thing in maintaining our relationship with anyone. To make sure nothing happens, and when it happens, to realize, and redeem. It is vital to restore the situation and relationship by making changes in one’s own behavior; you need to take steps to show what you are feeling. Your realization needs to be evident not only in words but by actions too.

Sometimes, a simple ‘sorry, I love you.’ Doesn’t work. More has to be done to redeem a relationship.

I know, among Christians, redemption takes on a strong connotation, but you know what I mean. I could use the word ‘restore’ also. But redemption is a little more than that. It is to make up for the wrong you did by doing that little extra bit too. That is what I feel and believe. Even Allah says if you are sorry for having done something wrong, as the person for forgiveness. (He won’t forgive till that person has forgiven either.) You can feed the poor, or fast for two months, too.

 You need to do something tangible to show you are really sorry, and to prove your realization.

Journaling or keeping a diary helps:

Journaling is an excellent tool to look at your own self and ‘see’ the connotations. It makes a difference.

Write about both happy and sad things while journaling:

I’ve kept a diary since I was thirteen years old. Believe me, it helps. So, all my life, I’ve done a lot of journaling. The only thing I now realize, I did wrong was, that I wrote ferociously when I was upset, unhappy or wronged. But hardly ever wrote, when I was ecstatic or happy. So, later on, if I read my diary, one felt as if there have been more unhappy times that happy ones    – which I know isn’t the case – so, while journaling, one’s got to keep balance.

Blaming others doesn’t help:

Blaming others and pointing out their mistakes and shortcomings, will never help you. Realize, where you went wrong. How your reactions could have made a difference. Being proactive earlier, can change consequences. I mean, next time, if you have realized,  you can preempt situations and save them before they get bad. Changing and improving your own behavior definitely will make a difference. That only comes after realization.

Otherwise,  you can go on making the same mistakes, and facing the same consequences all your life. If you don’t realize, it won’t happen.

Then you ask,

 ‘Why do such things happen to me?’

Bullet journaling;

Life is fast, time is short. You can do bullet journaling. I like it too. You can even try both – depending on your mood and time at hand – just write five points daily.  Great personalities including several US presidents, wrote a diary at night, going over the day. Seeing where they went wrong, and how they can improve matters next day.

Best thing about journaling;

Also, by writing, you can look at an issue from many angles. This is Edward De Bono’s concept of wearing the six hats. That is you look at an issue from six different points of view.

I’ve found just writing the pros and cons of something, or problem and solutions works pretty well too.

Some things, can’t be felt when someone else tells you. But you can realize it. When you look at your actions, ‘seeing’ how it happened. Then prepare a  step-by-step redemption plan.  You can say ‘I was wrong, and go up to the person say you are sorry. Not only that; Your behavior afterwards can show it, on a daily basis.

Worth the effort:

Believe me, if I find out that I’ve not spoken nicely to my cook or domestic help, I’ll go to him and ask him to forgive me for having hurt him. It isn’t easy cooking in such extreme temperatures. To come all the way, and then to get comments that hurt. So what, if there was too much salt in the food, one could have said the same thing in a nicer way too. Also, not in front of others. There are opportunities  for putting things right. So, asking for forgiveness needs to be done as quickly as possible.

Journaling is good for one’s EQ:

In today’s language you could say that a diary or journal is good for one’s EQ – your emotional quotient. There is so much talk about IQ. – When in fact one needs to have a high emotional quotient too. If you read the book Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman, it stresses the importance of having an outlet for your emotions. A way to understand one’s self and to know why and how one feels the way one does.

In the book Working with Emotional Intelligence, the writer specially stresses how much people are affected by what they feel, rather than what they know. Most actions are fueled by anger, hatred, and feelings of revenge. – Whereas, it can be conquered by feelings of love and forgiveness.

The Amygdala:

Location of Amygdala. 

The amygdala in the brain is an important almond shaped part which controls our feelings. How important it is to nurture this, and how it affects our actions in our lives.  The feelings can be controlled by our own journaling and realizations.

How to do Journaling:

My diary. 
  1. Privacy: Your diary is yours. It is no fun if you can’t write what you feel, because you are afraid someone will read it. So, privacy is a matter of concern living in such an over populated country full of nosy people.  It shouldn’t be read by anyone. I can understand why one is afraid that one’s siblings will read it and then make fun of you. So, it is a mutual thing. You all respect each other’s right to privacy and guard each other’s right for it. Of course, you can use code words when you write delicate matters and no one will understand. Or you use diaries which can be locked. Yes, you can get them.  Or have a hidden file in your laptop. It is important to have your diary where you can express yourself. Mainly to write things frankly, and only then can you use it to realize where you have gone wrong in life. Then find out how to make it better. 
  2. Regularity: it doesn’t have to be a daily thing. But not an annual one either! So, usually one writes every few days.
  3. Make it a scrapbook:  If you take the trouble to put in your memorable things like pressed flowers, the ticket of a favorite show, or other personal things into it, along with photos and what not. It becomes even more interesting.
  4. Keep it easily accessible: It has to be near at hand, so you can write in it whenever you feel the need to. Best place is a lockable drawer in your bedside table. Orin your cupboard, or even in your bookshelf. Whatever, place you feel is good enough, and where it won’t be touched.
  5. You can have rituals with  special time & place: Sometimes having a scented candle burning while you write, or soft music feels great. Having a time, like first thing in the morning or last thing at night when it is your ‘me time’, then you are free to write. It can take five minutes or thirty minutes – as you like.
  6.  Agenda: Usually it is something that you can’t discuss with anyone else, you discuss with yourself here.
  7. Facing shortcomings:Do write what you want to improve about yourself and how you plan to go about it.
  8. Love yourself: As you do whatever you do, be kind to yourself, and loving too. Praise and acknowledge your journey.  

OMG you are still reading! Love you so much for reading all this way.

Stay blessed, lovely and handsome ones.  

Social Media & My Playlist

A better entertainment alternative to television …

You need oxygen from flowers too!

There was a student named Esha in Roots School, in 2009. I came to know her  when I worked as the Regional Coordinator in the Head Office of Roots School System. She was studying in O’levels.  I found her very mature and sensible. An only child, she chose to wear a hijab. Once I asked her which television programs she watched. I  was surprised to hear that she didn’t watch MTV, as a conscious decision. When asked why, (as all others her age would love to watch it,) she replied,

‘ I don’t like anyone to impose their ideas onto mine. By watching programs which I do not agree with, I’m leaving myself open to influence.’

 I knew she would be going a long way.

She did; Next, I heard she was studying in Harvard!

So, here is a lesson that we need to learn at any age, something this young teenager had realized already.  We must be selective about the ‘entertainment’ we watch, or the social media we use.  It is vital for us to make a conscious intrusion. Otherwise strangers controlling social media are already controlling us.

They are controlling our decisions, our actions, our relationships. Everything! As we know, most of it is through advertising. In fact the advent of advertising is what has led to this lethal materialism and crime rate in every society.

First, we have to be conscious of it; be aware of its impact. Only then can we protect ourselves.  

Very few people learn to control it.

So, what is media, and social media? Basically it is interactive, and can be used constructively too. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter,and many other forms of media are all part of it.

How to find ways to succeed with it.

Ask yourself:

  1. Is it a source of peace or frustration?
  2. How can I benefits from it?
  3. Are my relationships with my family suffering due to it? If so, what can I do to make sure it doesn’t happen again?
  4. How can I restrict its usage? (There are apps on phones to help you restrict its use.)

Honest answers to these questions will help you.

The biggest victim is the lack of sleep faced due to no ‘closing time’ in this world of social media. 

Positive impact of social media:

Love it or hate it, social media is here to stay for a while at least. So, my theory is, ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!’

As you know, everyone finally joined Facebook, after saying all sorts of horrid things about it. Now, the kids have left it and gone to Instagram.  – Now, we have started going there too!

Anyhow, I believe in middle ground and staying in tune with technology. To do whatever it takes to have a wonderful life. To stay blessed, and help others stay blessed too. If social media can help, why not?

Personal experience of yesterday:

How I found our cat through social media.

It is through social media, that I found Muffin, our Persian cat, yesterday.  

Last night, around 9.00 pm, I realized he was lost. Immediately, I informed Waliya, my daughter. Soon, a fan of hers had shared a screen print of an announcement on an animal rescue page. She felt it might be ours.

I had been frantically searching for him on our streets surrounding our home. ( Since he is deaf, there is no point in calling him.) I fell asleep. I woke up after 12.00 am, to realize that he was found! So, literally within three hours he was found. The driver of Mrs. Haroon, wife of the dentist Haroon ur Rashid, nearby, brought him home to her. She already has four cats. She kept him, and shared his picture with her daughter. Then the daughter, put up its picture on the page of animal rescuers in Rawalpindi. A fan of my daughter, saw it there, and sent its’ screen picture  to my daughter in Karachi. Then she informed me. I then contacted the rescuer Alina Omair.  She gave me Mrs. Haroon’s
number . That’s how the very next morning, I got my cat back. God bless them!

It is through social media that I found out about CSS School, and the old people’s home in Islamabad, where I’ve been able to help along with Sana from Australia, and now Nathalene in Islamabad. So, it is an excellent tool to improve lives of those around us.

In the end, it is up to us how we choose to use the latest technology.

It is YouTube which is the current favorite. Here, one can enjoy seeing episodes of plays in a row. I love listening to music too while working. This one is my current favorite:

One of my favorite tunes while working on these blogs. 

Success stories of saving lives:

I know of a kidnapped girl who was found through social media, and recently, a person has also been convinced not to commit suicide, too.

So, it has saved lives.

 The situation of Palestine has finally come in front of the entire world, as was the case of Myanmar, Myanmar: Are crimes against humanity taking place? *Warning: Distressing images * – BBC Newsnight.

Where genocide of Muslims had crossed all limits.

 I am very hopeful, that Kashmir can finally be saved – through social media. The written word is nothing compared to the real life videos that have taken the world by storm. India can no longer obstruct and block the media, from the world.

Policemen have been caught and so have the crooks.

Yes, Social Media is powerful and can save lives.

Negative impact of Social Media:

With so much dopamine and serotonin going round due to social media, how can it cause depression?

It definitely does! This is why its use has to be consciously kept restricted and controlled, or we are bound to suffer.

Watching motivational videos:

Ever since my husband passed away, I have my breakfast alone. I am accompanied with my daily ‘to do’ list, and DW channel  on television.  That’s how I’ve spent most of six years.

Since last year,  I’ve started watching motivational videos with breakfast. So, by now, I’m going to share quite a few of my favorite videos. You just have to write the name and you’ll get there. I’m sure you know far more.

Entertainment is a serious business.

It is best to allow a time and space for it. Then get on with our lives.

My daughter Nataliya has tried having ‘no screen day’. It is a good effort in the right direction. It is the best way to detox ourselves from it. I would suggest we have ‘no-screen-hours’ in the day, which is shared by the family too. This must be consciously followed, specially at meal times and family times and specially, while entertaining guests. 

Going for walks without using the social media is important. Breathe in this fresh air, and listen to the birds instead. 

Keep these sanity points while using social media:

Just for your peace of mind:

  1. Have a Life! – Besides the one you share on media.
  2. Do not stalk people: or follow people unnecessarily.  Do not be envious of them. (Be clear that what they are sharing can also be untrue! Also, even if it is true, it is just a few minutes of their 24 hours. The rest maybe hell 😉 …. )
  3. Do not get impressed by the food: they are eating now, (they didn’t share that sookha toast with malai this morning!)
  4. Do not believe all that you see:  Yes, the filters and make-up are doing a damn good job too! (That’s why they look more beautiful.) Appreciate all the beauty your Allah has blessed you with.
  5. People say ‘cheese’ to camera even when they don’t feel like it: Remember, even when they show news bulletins of flood-hit people, they cannot help but smile at the camera. (We know they have just lost their homes…) It’s so funny.
  6. Don’t worry, they are as miserable as you, too: – So get happy for that! ( I mean, my gas bill last month had me very upset. I perked up when I found out that I wasn’t alone. Everyone had got a tough gas bill. This is why, I do like to share some real sad things and goof-ups in my life with you all, to show you I’m just another human being
  7. Restrict your time spent: You can do this by committing yourself to situations where you interact with real people. Especially your own family. Read books, and blogs which are positive and helpful. Do physical exercise, and have healthy food.(Upcoming blog post! 😉 )

Having said all that, let us get back to social media….

My favorite playlist of music and other videos:

The other day, someone asked me for my ‘playlist’. Well, here is a glimpse into my musical playlist, and some of my favorite videos:  

Classic Plays by Haseena Moeen:

  •   Shahzori,
    •  Ankahi,
    • Tanhaiyan,
    • Dhoop kinaray.

Sameena Peerzada interviews:

  • Ushna.
  • Mohsin and many others.

Self help and motivational videos:

  • Bano Qudsia
    • Ashfaque Ahmed.
    • Qasim Ali Shah: All his videos are amazing, specially the one’s on teaching, and relationships.
  • BK Shivani: Relationships 1,2,3,4,
    • Robin Sharma: Morning routine, 5 mentalities mastery, and the rest!
    • Stephen R Covey: 7 habits of Highly Effective People.
    • Opera Winfrey: 10
    • Dr. Wyne Dyer:
    • Iyanla Vanzant.

Music:

  • Mehmut Orhan: Game of Thrones, mix, Boral Kibil& Mehmut Orhan – uprising (Original Mix)
    • Mix- Boral Kibil & Mahmut Orhan, Mix – BoralKibil & Mahmut Orhan, HakanAkkus – I Can’t Be (Original Mix.) –( all oftheir work!)
    • Mehdi Hasan: Shola tha jal bujha hoon, sadaeinmujhay na do (Ahmed Faraz), koo ba koo Pail gai baat shanasai ki (PerveenShakir.)
    • Jagjit Singh – yeh tum jo itna muskura rahay ho,teray khushboo mein basay khat,  koi yehkaisay bataye ke wo tanha kiyon hai. His renderings of Mirza Ghalib’s ghazals.
    • Chitra – yeh na thi hamari qismet,
    • Geaoge Michael : Careless Whisper, Jesus to a Child,
    • Lionel Richie: Hello,
    • Berlin – Take My Breathe away theme from TopGun.
    • Toni Braxton – Unbreak my heart, 
    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-xbEO57lHg
    • Sade – smooth operator.
    • Arabic Spanish music:

Humor: (Remember, you have to laugh at least 23 times a day.)

Love this song!

I could go on and on. I think music is a very personal thing. We have to have a good collection, and keep it nearby for solace and peace. 

 Love you for coming all the way, to this point in my blog.  
Stay blessed, my dear Reader 🙂

Eid Preparations’ check list.

 

No matter how well organized you are, Eid comes as a bit of a surprise. As I write, Eid hasn’t been announced even at 11.00 pm Pakistan time, on June 14th,2018. So, obviously, Eid won’t be on fifteenth June here.

A couple of hours ago, as I was busy doing up the home for my last minute preparations for Eid. I thought why not share this experience with you? I just love doing up the home for Eid. Here is a checklist:

1. Clean house properly. I’m sure you have checked the house from inside out. Got every room properly cleaned. Specially the fans. Made the gardener prune the plants. Shifted the indoor and outdoor plants a little. Removed all burnt out leaves and got the place fully cleaned.

2. The clothes are all ready and hanging in the cupboards. You must have done them up two days ago. Yes, couldn’t get the right shoes, but there are so many in the cupboard, I’m sure at least one pair will do fine. Check out the accessories, handbag, perfumes etc.

3. Food is the main concern: So, the menu has to be good enough for snacks and a meal, if some guests decide to stay, because you can’t resist insisting! Haleem is a good one, as it goes for a snack as well as a meal. As far as proper lunch is concerned, I love Chinese food, as it is light. Hope you got it ready or can get home delivery.

Check out from the restaurant, if they do home delivery. Otherwise, a good old pizza is also good enough! Just be kind to yourself and avoid last minute cooking and being in a hot kitchen. Fresh fruits are the best, as these are healthy and wonderful. If there are lots of guests in house and more are expected, then something wholesome like biryani, karahi or haleem would be good. Please be practical. Please do not insist on people having the food if they don’t want to.

4. A touch of panache: Tea-candles, sparkly lights, and lots of plants and flowers everywhere, really make a festive look. If you don’t have enough fresh flowers, put some artificial flowers into the different arrangements. So, your one bouquet of flowers can go a long way, if you use it smartly.

5. Set your own mood first: I know you are a bit nervous, wondering if the food will be enough, if the house is looking okay or not, perhaps angry with your tailor for messing up your clothes a bit. No one will notice if you keep that blazing smile of yours full on. You were too busy with your job/activities/praying and taravia routine/ daura-e-Quran/ social work. Now, with Eid on one’s head, only one day to go you are wondering where to start. Set the mood of yourself and your home in order. It is time to relax and enjoy it all.

6. Visiting list: Do visit all those family members or friends who lost a family member during last few months. So, this is their first Eid. You can start your visiting session from their home. Also, if there is a person who is alone, because his or her children are abroad, or has some problem, you can invite the person over for lunch. In short, be kind to someone.

7. Gifts: Getting nice gifts for family members with cards is a very good gesture. No matter how much you can afford or be able to do for them, it is the thought that counts. Have nice games, and favorite dishes cooked so everyone feels loved and happy.

8. Sharing joys of Eid: I’m sure you gave new clothes to all your staff, and also to others in your community. Keep things within limits. Do not get pestered by bullying beggars and staff members. Remember, the ones who are silent, may be in greater need.

9. Be kind to your staff: If you are lucky enough to have them with you, plan in such a way, that they are not put through too much stress. Ease the systems in your home. Have self-help table arranged, so everyone just helps themselves. When you go visiting, let them have leave, so they too can go visiting. Lock up the house, put on your alarm system.

10. Texting and phoning loved ones and acquaintances: Try to call your close friends and relatives, if possible. Send a text if it is inevitable. Preparing a special text which you can share them with almost everyone is a good way to manage.

11. No phone: Please give more attention to your loved ones sitting next to you. Put that phone aside, and have eye contact while talking to your friends who have come all the way to meet you, rather than with your phone!

12. Have a blessed Eid: Do say the Eid prayers in the mosque or at home. Make it a special Eid, life is too short to be wasted, sleeping it out. Eid Mubarak!

Note: Photographs by author of house of Haroon and Uzma, and her own home.

 

Take it easy!

A lot of the toughness in my life is caused by me!

 Seriously, I am my own worst enemy. So many of the things that are driving me crazy weren’t necessary in the first place! I mean I could have achieved my goal with just half the effort!

Why did I over-do it?

Was it worth it?

I learnt this lesson once, when I was in Kuwait and cooking a new dish for a dinner. It took me two days to make all the preparations for a dish with almonds and chicken. Then there was another dish I made called Mexican Chicken – which took just ten to fifteen minutes to cook. Believe me, no one noticed my ‘special’ dish, and everyone went for my Mexican Chicken asking me how I made it, as it looked tasty amazing!

Wow. I learnt my lesson there and then. Out went that recipe from my file, and the Mexican Chicken remained and ended up in my Recipe book, later on.

I guess, it was a simple formula of Physics I had learnt about efficiency: ‘Input is equal to output’. So, if the input is too much, and output isn’t that much, then chuck out the whole project. Be mindful of this, at all times. Your efforts have to be proportional to the output.

It is the same with most things.

But you see there are many aspects to a thing. You have to see if it is worth it or not. Sometimes, some long-drawn-out things are worth it. For instance, it took over twenty years to publish my latest book,- simply because it is important. So, no regrets.

So, the lesson is:

It better be worth it, or chuck it!  

 

Last year, when I met Fairy in Lahore, she mentioned this. Her mentor told her:

‘One should remain within one’s limitations.’ (The Urdu word is a beautiful one, istata’at.) So, this goes into all facets of one’s life. For instance, when we talk of relationships; most wives are upset with husbands, ‘look at all that I’ve done for you! I did this, I did that, I even went and did so many more things that weren’t my duty, but I still did it. “You didn’t appreciate any of it!” you say, angrily. Well, (wisely,) he keeps quiet.

But he could have said, ‘Sweety, did I ask you????’

No!

No one asks us. We just go out of our way doing things for our loved ones and even the not-so-loved-ones at the workplace etc.. Then we get exhausted, lose temper, feel unappreciated and end up hating everyone.

So, I guess, the point is: do as much as is needed.

Then stop it.

That’s all.

No one asked you to do more, so don’t do it.

But

If you do, then do it for God’s sake, and don’t expect any ‘reward’ from the person. Allah says in Quran that you should never remind the person whom you have done favors for, about all that you did. Otherwise, it will all go to waste.

The more you think of it, you realize how this approach of overdoing things literally goes into EVERYTHING IN OUR LIVES.

Things, relationships, work and even fun!

So, while doing anything, keeping a sensible ‘limitation’ or ‘scope’ of the relationship/work/play at hand is essential.

 

For instance: one religious scholar said that only ‘farz’ prayers are needed. The rest we are saying on our own. With the result, other scholars have made praying so complicated that then people end up even leaving out the ‘farz’ prayers.

The price of doing all those extras is too high – this is what we have to realize – so, due to these extras the actual task gets left out.  Just look at it! Is it worth it?

The expenses  of marriages ceremonies are so much, that people keep delaying the function. Though it wouldn’t cost much, if one went for the essentials. My mentor Mahjabeen married off her son within forty days of the death of her own daughter’s death. The situation was such that the son had to go to USA for further studies, and she wanted him to get married and take his bride too with him. So, it was all done in a hurry. She held the Waleema ceremony in her home, it was lunch time. Due to shortage of space, she asked us to ‘eat and leave.’ When I took the salami to her, she asked me to hand it to the bride, without even looking at it. That was it. It was a simple function. No extras, just the essentials. In fact, she didn’t even let the girls’ side give food, she herself arranged the food. She believes the food is for the boys’ side to give to the guests, so it is a Waleema. She applies everything to herself first of all. This is why no one minded, in fact everyone admired her guts for holding a function exactly as she wanted to do, according to the beliefs she herself proclaims. She wholeheartedly invited us through word of mouth, and we happily went along. We felt happy that she had remembered us at this happy time in her life.

Awesome!

The point is: Keep the objective in mind.

(I have a feeling I’m writing this blog for myself more than for you.) Whatever I do, I get carried away. But let me tell you, it is fine to get carried away, if you are doing it as a big ‘thank You’ to the One Above for blessing us so much.

Then it is OK. But let me tell you, He too, only expects within our capabilities. Even He doesn’t demand more from us than what we are easily capable of doing.

So, why go overboard?

It will make life much more bearable all round, if you focus on the important stuff only:

  1. Do what is necessary – stick to the compulsory question first.
  2. Prioritize. That is from an importance, urgency, and value point of view. Start with the most important first, (many urgent things are not so important.)
  3. While doing each task, do the basics and go on to the next point. Instead of getting carried away with the first task and leaving out the others. Give time limitations to each task.
  4. Do keep aside those things to do, which are worth the effort. For instance, one’s writing and other such aspects of life, will stay in this world even after we are gone. So, they are worth it, and should be done as ‘sadqa-e-jariya.’ But then, keep a separate time-slot for creative work.
  5. Do anything extra for God’s sake. But remember, how much He will expect from you? Yes, only what is within your capabilities!

Stay blessed my wonderful Reader. Take it easy, and you will be blessed!

Note: All photographs provided by author. Nataliya has taken four of these photographs.

 

 

 

Last blog of 2017?

Nine days till end of this year!

Don’t you think its been an amazing year? Alhamdolillah. Here is probably my last post of this year…. though I do have my doubts!

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Centaurus the favorite Islamabad shopping Mall and Cinepax is decked in seasons’ decor these days.

Thank you so much for your response to my blogs. I’m over whelmed. Even though many of you do not comment, I know you have read these. – Whenever I meet you I find out through your comments, and there are the indicators. I hope that these have made some difference in your lives, as you have made a difference in mine.

Continue reading “Last blog of 2017?”

Its Friday again!

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“Assalamo Alaikum!” My friend Seema had called. “What’s going on?” she asked.

“I’m celebrating my Friday.” I told her happily. (Meaning: end of week, weekend, fun-time.)

“Celebrating Friday or …..” Her pause made me pause too.

She is one of my very religious friends. Actually she is an authority on it. She spent not only one year in the Al Huda International Academy but also did a four year course which is done by aalimas from a well known Madrassa here in Islamabad.. Now, she teaches in an academy. So, when she pauses… it makes me think.

Yet, at the same time, she is the one with a great sense of humor. She loves and enjoys literature, and loves me too, in spite of all my shortcomings. She is truly a great, loving and caring friend.

Continue reading “Its Friday again!”

Dealing with too much ‘to do’

 

(…. you too?)

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How do we cope with daily challenges in life? – Of course with our ‘to do’ list!

My mentor Mahjabeen says “You cannot do anything unless you allocate a time and place for it.” Then she adds, “Even if one of them is missing, it will not get done!” That being clear, let’s get on with it….

I’ve seen two types of people:

  1. Those who keep the list short and sweet not allowing anyone to walk into it.
  2. Then there are those making loooonnnnngggg ‘to do’ lists, and allowing everyone to walk into it.

Yes, as you guessed, I’m the second one! But you know, usually I love it. Otherwise, I have an ‘engine burn out’. I know, I’ll miss out on doing some things, but due to ‘priority’ I’ll have the important stuff done.

Hence, I’m always busy. So what? Excuse me, we’ll get plenty of time to rest – when we are ‘resting in peace’. This is our time  to ‘work in peace’.

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Why it is best to avoid arguments.

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(The best policy in any relationship: husband and wife, friends, boss and subordinate or any other.)

 

It is a fact that arguments weaken a team. It is best to avoid it.

Come to think of it. It never takes you anywhere, except to get even further apart. I don’t know why, but that is how it goes.

People who are by habit argumentative like:

“But Why???”

“I think it should be done like this….”

“How do you know?”

And so on. Such questions are very ‘normal’ except when they are uttered just to gain time, or to waste it. When a person has no intent of doing something, he goes into argument.

If you watch any one of those popular talk shows on Pakistan’s television networks, there is nothing but argument going on. The belief is; the more arguments there are, the more the ‘rating’ grows. Hence it is egged on even more. The anchor or one of the ‘plants’ will say such a thing that the conversation gets out of proportion ending in hot arguments.

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Being good at Change Management

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Aren’t my blogs turning into text books? I hope not! I have to be careful, I’ve been an educationist for too many years. My blog on transitional phases in life is actually all about change. One’s ability to do it well revolves around the skill in change management. As they say, the only constant thing in life these days is change!

So, how good are you at it?

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A Dozen Ways to Reverse Mentoring

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“You actually take make-up tips from your teenager?” Asked one of my fellow travelers, we were chilling in Ayun, one starry night in Chitral, in 2004.

“Yes.” I said.

“What do they know?” I was asked.

“Well, they do know a lot – considering the fact that they use present day products, a lot better than us.”  I could see they were surprised. Of course, it is not just about make-up but in other matters too.

Later, when I was studying for my EMBA in 2006, there was a small paragraph in one of the books about ‘reverse mentoring’. “Oh, so that’s what it is called?” I thought. Being in the educational field, I’ve learnt a lot from my students. Sometimes directly, and sometimes indirectly when that innocent question in class led me to more findings!

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