My last blog, about life in one’s sixties painted the rosy side of being in your sixties https://shireengheba.com/?s=sixties, this one shows the other dangerous side. Once you are aware of the dangers, you will learn how to handle them safely, and fly through them. Yes, each one comes with its own solutions. In fact, every age and stage in life, has its own dangerous side. Its good to be aware of these, and know how to deal with these.

Watch out for these dangers in your sixties:

1. Health issues

Hopefully, you would be generally fit. However, health is an ongoing factor. So, you will be fine if you make a policy of responding immediately to any health related symptom. As you saw with my cancer symptom, I immediately responded, and am out of it now. Its the same with other health matters. Most of us have been used to ignoring ourselves, thats why they piled up. Now, you need a policy change.

Just mend your ways about mending yourself.

Solution:

Start by having annual health check up every year. With all other symptoms, you respond promptly, and take care of yourself on top priority basis during the rest of the year. Be prepared to renew parts that can be replaced, for example eye operation for better eye sight, knee replacement when needed, dental refinements and anything else. Make full use of scientific ways to improve life.

2. The baggage

You’ve been gathering a lot of data during the last six decades. Naturally, there are some sad memories, anger at certain people. There will be lots of regrets, when you realize that you kept some lousy relationships for too many years. You will find yourself blaming your parents, siblings, colleagues and bosses for this problem or the other. Sometimes you want to blame your circumstances and fate.  I’m sure these happened many years ago. But even today, you often go over these again and again.

Solution:

You need to realize that holding on to baggage of six decades, is utter nonsense. You’ve got to decide to chuck these one by one. It makes no sense to hold on to those past grudges, ‘oh when I was a child, my father never hugged me.’ For God’s sake, get over it. Whatever happened and however it happened, this is the time, to let it go. You have another key, that is, forgiveness. Forgive each one. Also, realize that you are no angel either. ‘I’m sure I’ve done many blame worthy  things in my life too, and need the forgiveness of others too.’ So, just forgive all, and seek forgiveness from all.

Forget it!

My mother once put it very well, she looked at me, ‘Shireen, you have been through a lot. Don’t think about it.’ I know my mother followed her own advice. This has been the secret to her contentment in life. So, whenever you find yourself alone, make sure to think of happy memories, or keep yourself occupied in interesting activities.

Keep the lesson, forget the memory.

3. Certain stupid negative habits.

The path of over six decades were pretty thorny at times, which made us prickly too. Having received pricks, now you can deliver them too! You have a set of sarcastic remarks to shoot at people around you. Watch out! If you can make it funny, fine.

There is no point in hurting those near you. Spend time on learning new things, and improving your weaknesses. Spot the bad habits, and find ways to get out of these. If a situation brings out the worst in you. Walk out of it. If you want to say something nasty, try to bite your lips and divert yourself.

Solution: Bite your lips and say something pleasant instead, move to a better place in your present life. If you believe there isn’t a better place, then make one. You know you can do this too.

4. Losing loved ones

The worst of the ‘dangers’ is losing loved ones. Whats more, you can’t do anything about it. The loss of parents, siblings, friends, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and so on, is the toughest part about growing older. There is another way of losing loved ones too; Some, move away, settling down in far off lands. So whether a person has moved away or died, you are no longer in touch with them.

Well, if they’ve moved away, you can schedule video meetings with them, and stay in touch. But, what can you do if they’ve gone to the other world?

Solution:

Be grateful you had them, in the first place! Thats why you lost them. Step one: First be grateful for their presence in your life. Step two: Then, accept the fact that it was God’s will. Step three: Cherish your happy memories with them. You will need to fill in the voids consciously. That’s your homework.

Point to Note

Live your present life, while cherishing moments spent with loved ones. Make happy memories with them. At least you will have so many good memories with them and no regrets, when they are gone. You won’t have many regrets, if you always make the most of the time that you do have with them. It can be the same if you go first. Leave good memories with loved ones.

5. Kids moving on.

Children, may be moving to other cities for studies. Staying in hostels, or places away from you. Naturally, if you did a good job in parenting, then they will be standing on their own feet by now. Others, get married, and move abroad. They are now ready to begin their own independent lives, just as you did, when you were their age. Its a natural process. Give yourself a good pat on your shoulder for having done a good job. Just watch them grow and develop into bright individuals. Wish them well, pray for them and give sadqa for them whenever possible.

Solution

Be grateful to Allah that it is so. You yourself do not have the stamina now to take care of three teenagers, as you did long ago. (Remember, how they drove you up the wall sometimes?) By-the-way, wasn’t this exactly your goal in life; to have each child stand on his or her own feet and lead an independent successful life? Well? Now that they are doing it, you are being sad about? Why?

Celebrate the successes of each child, remember what part you played in it. They are the outcome of years of hard work on your part. Read this blog post Empty Nest – Fresh phase in life. https://shireengheba.com/?s=empty+nest

Stay in touch with them, but do not interfere in their lives. Definitely do not give them tips on cooking, parenting, life styles or anything at all. Only do so if they ask. (They won’t, because you brought them up real well!- they are fully equipped for this life.)

6. Do you feel like a misfit?

Know where you stand in your life. Being in your sixties, means finding your own identity. Be clear where you stand. What you want to do differently, from others. Keep your individuality, and hold on to what makes you a unique individual. You cannot pretend to be anything that you aren’t. But you can only be you if you are clear about who you are. Own your own mistakes, make your personal ‘do’s and don’ts.’ Become part of like-minded groups.

Which age group of friends do you have? Are all your friends of same age group as yours? Or do you enjoy young people’s company, (like I do?) I find them so interesting, and love their energy and feel that I can learn so much from them too. In fact, I have friends of all ages, some much older than myself, and others, much younger. Yet, I have many friends of my age too. So, its not about age, it is about interests and hobbies.

Solution:

Learn new things and put new occupations into those time slots. Develop your hobbies, and make time to enjoy them. Make a space and identity for yourself, according to your own wishes and requirements. Go ahead and make friends in different age groups too.

7. Feeling outdated

Now that you look around, you realize that others have moved ahead and you have some work to do on yourself.

Solution:

First decide how you want to be. Then look at styles that click with you. Find out how you can make changes. It can be in lifestyle, home décor, foods, anything else. Yet, be very careful. Some things only look good on them. Know what doesn’t suit you and your life style. Have a friend or child who will give you an honest feedback.

8. Finances

Around 40% of us are widows now. Yes, your hubby handled all your finances for you. Many women don’t even know how to use an ATM card properly or to sign a cheque. I found that filling in forms was a nightmare for me, as it just would make me freeze. My husband always did these things for me. It has taken a long time for me to get used to doing these things. But, it is very important to handle all issues yourself. Do it yourself. If you don’t know how, then learn it. Do things repeatedly to get proficient in it.

Those of us who have been doing jobs, are still better at things, full time home makers usually find it harder. Whatever the case, don’t leave things to others. Do it yourself, and learn from each mistake that you make. Now you are in total command. Make wise decisions. Read up on some good books on finances, especially Rich Dad, Poor Dad, and Suzy Orman’s books. Now, you get a lot more information on YouTube.

These days, older women living alone are targets for crooks and hackers. So, be very careful. Also, if something does happen, take your failures in your stride. Get up and move on. We all face issues, what is important is to get up and move on.

9. Don’t be afraid of failing:

Do not feel that ‘I’ll look like a goof at my age, making mistakes.’ Just say, ‘So what? Is there any other way to learn?’ It is okay to fail, to make mistakes. What isn’t okay is to let go of all that you are doing, just due to the fear of failing.

Solution

Only that person doesn’t fail, who doesn’t try. Each failure teaches one an important lesson. You can achieve a lot by trying hard. Make sure you love this journey.