Today, I’m wanting to tell you how I came upon The Source, in my life; The Source for everything, the good, the bad and the ugly.
It is about the One who brought me into this world, and who sustains me in it.
Every time, I had different assumptions. I kept giving credit to different ‘sources’ for different happenings in my life. Starting with my parents, for my birth. Then many others…..
Till one fine day, I found out.
It was pretty late. Perhaps through this story you will be able to find out the Source earlier, in your own life.
Once you do, you will never worry about your own sustenance. Or, for what happens or not happens in your life.
How I found out my Source:
It was almost nine years ago, when my husband was dying of cancer in hospital. My enemies had closed his banks, (in his lifetime,) and I had spent my last Rs.1000 cash which I had hidden up for emergencies. Technically speaking, I had no means to survive on my own. On top of that, there were insurmountable liabilities. To top it all, we had enemies who were after everything we owned. More details of our dilemmas here.
I had nothing but bills.
There were a lot of piling bills, due to our under-construction house. It was a strange situation; if we didn’t complete the house, we couldn’t move in! (We couldn’t pay the rent of the house we were living in temporarily either!) I had left my job a year ago to help my husband in house construction. So, that was that.
When my husband got admitted in hospital, I gave up writing for daily Dawn’s Metro, and converted my MBA evening classes to distance learning. So, there was no income, and more liabilities.
Added to this were all the normal expenses of the month, which my husband took care of: rent, phone bills, pays of staff, to name a few.
Miraculously, problems got solved:
‘How are you managing?’ Once my husband asked me. I just nodded saying, ‘Its fine.’ (How could I tell him what I was going through?’)
Yet – miraculously – my daughters and I managed to have a good meal at every meal time, and things worked out – every time. Selling our car helped. Along with this was the ‘aid’ from my friends, and total strangers. God bless them always!
Perhaps now, you will understand the story behind all the charity work I have taken up. It is because I know exactly how these people feel, when there is no income and you don’t know where your next meal will come from….
Too proud to ask:
Still I stood, too proud to ask anyone for anything.
As usual, I looked up to God, I knew He was watching the circus I was in. ‘I’m only going to ask YOU for help.’ He knew that already.
I had read in the Quran:
‘No kind of calamity can occur, except by leave of Allah: and if anyone believes in Allah, guides his heart (aright): for Allah knows all things. (Al Taghibun 64, ayat 11)
Sources to pay for the food, gas, etc. and the construction bills appeared from one source or another. Even though, I didn’t ask, some solutions happened naturally. The food problem got solved through the hospital food which was given to the helpers. (All those people coming to meet my husband, each one came with a gift of goodies.) My friend Tahira Naveed cooked food for my husband daily. My aunt Aziz would bring along more goodies for us all. Of course, we went home daily to my parents’ place to a hearty meal.
Angels in garb of friends and strangers:
Literally, angels came from nowhere, to help me. My friends from Lahore came, one of them slipping a hefty amount, into my hand. When I asked, ‘When should I repay you?’ She shook her head and murmured,
‘Put in a word with Allah, on the Day of Judgement for me.’ (Alhamdolillah, I returned this amount within two months, after the sale of the car. Yet, this was the greatest help at that time.) More angels slipped into my life, one of them, slipped another amount, and I received more, when I thought ‘this is the end!’
By now I had stopped wondering how and why.
Understanding was dawning on me.
I had realized who the Source was, and I knew He had put it in their heart to help me. He was also using several of them to give me that kind of help which only He could have devised!
Humbly, I accepted all the help I got. They are now part of my daily prayers, and will always be, for rest of my life.
Yet, I thanked Him first, as He was the true Source. I mean, how would you feel if you sent a gift for someone, and the person just kept thanking the courier service only?
He had mentioned that:
And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is Allah for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose. Verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion. (Al Talaaq 65, ayat 3.) – Holy Quran.
Actually, I am deeply indebted to all those who helped me during the worst time of my life. At the same time, I’ve realized that they were the chosen ones of my Allah to help me.
Thank the real Source in my life:
I realized something; Even though, my husband had taken care of me for almost thirty-two years, it was Allah taking care of me for all those years, through my husband. When my husband lay helpless, it was Allah who continued to take care of my and my children through His angels in the garb of friends, strangers and people coming to help me. So, I noticed, my Source remained the same!
The Reason why….:
It was really strange, that here I was, the pampered wife of a retired Air Commodore in the Pakistan Air Force, and facing such horrific hardships! One thought was always there, ‘why?’
‘Why me?’ I questioned and wondered. (Never did I question in front of anyone.) I knew, a time will come, when He will give me the answer to that question.
May Allah bless my enemies:
A time came, when I even blessed my enemies. I began praying for hidayat and blessings for them. Commander Fazal, a friend of my husband, had mentioned this to me, ‘When you hold up your hands to pray, do pray for your enemies first.’ That is what his murshid and guide had taught him.
Through the issues at hand, Allah had exposed to me the true nature of some people in front of my eyes. The anger, shock and pure grief kept me furious and strong.
Alhamdolillah, it was my enemies who kept me from falling down. They made me strong.
Failure was not the option. – not with them around – nor was I going to give in to their pressures and threats.
The power of honest earnings:
Halaal ki kamai, (honest earnings have a power of their own, I realized. You cannot let these go easily. (You cant forget the hardships you went through, trying to earn it all.)
Finally, finding my Source:
So, anyhow, long story short. I found out Who was my Source for everything in my life. All the last thirty-one years I thought it was my husband, before that, I thought it was my father. Yes they were the links, Allah had used.
All along it was my Allah.
The best thing about this Source is that He isn’t human. So, He won’t die on you, nor will He leave you, without even a good bye.
Allah has always been there, and will be there, to take care of you; no matter what, and no matter where. This world, or the next.
So, stay blessed, my dear Reader, you and I are in good Hands; I can assure you of that. 😊
Note: Photographs by Serene Umair (The sunset clouds ones.) The moon pic by Sadia Ejaz, and the rest by author. The autumn tree painting is also by author.