A closure helps you to move on….
‘Ever tasted a bad-tasting chalghoza (pine-nut) – or any BAD nut for that matter?’
What do you do? Keep it in your mouth to savor the flavor, or quickly spit it out?’
Spit it out!
What actually happens, is that you tend to keep it in your mouth longer. You can’t believe it isn’t that tasty nut that you were getting earlier. The previous ones were really delicious. This one isn’t.
You are wondering if I’m talking about that bad nut – or that bad thing that happened in your life.
It’s about that shocking development in life, it may be getting downsized from your job, or ending a relationship. I’m talking about the closure that is necessary to move on in life, and how to do it. It is usually, a loss of some sort.
Treat your wounds:
Ever been injured? You have. So you know how it is: you need to recuperate. You go into hospital, get treatment and also get a lot of attention. So, what do you do with an emotional injury? Do the same! Take a break. You need time to recuperate from it.
So, try to treat it like a wound, and treat it.
Look, I don’t know your problem. But I do know the process of closure to move on. This is how you do a closure:
It is a simple ‘one, two, three’ process:
1. Face it and accept it:
Once you have recognized it and realized it, please do not stick around there for too long! (Or you can damage yourself in the process.) Then take the steps needed to close it. Take out your personal journal and write down, all the points which have convinced you where you are. Please do not get carried away. Try to keep it crisp and short. I know it is hard. The point is to get out of it,not get more into it!
2. Learn your lessons.
Sit down again. Write down what you are going to take away from this experience. Yes, you are going to come out brighter, shinier and wiser. Believe me, there was a reason why Allah Mian put you through this process. Say two naffals and ask God to to show you why He made you go through this experience. If you can’t understand any of it now. Still do ask Him. It will come to you in time. Write now, you just have to sanely walk away from this pain-zone.
‘Pray that you may find out what it is that Allah is trying to explain to you through this experience.’ My friend Seema always says. Good point!
3. Fill in the gaps in your life.
Always when suddenly, you find yourself out of a job or out of a relationship, you realize how big a chunk from your life, you were giving to it. Now, there is this huge gap in your life where that ‘chalghoza’ stood! Ummm lets call it something bigger…. What can it be? An Alien.
Of course, it was an alien, because actually, it didn’t belong in your life, and you had given it that space. So, all those times that you gave to the alien will now need to be filled up with some other wonderful activities. Make a list of all the wonderful things you will be able to do now. Starting with all the friends who were getting neglected, all the trips you had not gone to, and all the parties that you couldn’t attend earlier. Look at the bright side, now you can finish that book and watch that movie!
Not so bad at all!
Remove the debris:
All those things, which remind you of –you-know-who just chuck them out. Give to a charity, or your staff. Or go and return it to the person or organization. Remember it is all now a debris of all that it was in your life. So, when a building falls, you remove the debris, to build a new house there. Simple! Right now, you are ‘removing the debris.’ Do it ASAP.
Do, not be condescending of all the good times. Don’t. Keep your perspective. Remember the good times as good times, and bad times as bad times. It was great when it was great. Now, it is bad.
So make a quick closure and get on with the rest of your life. I mean we don’t have much time to waste here in this world. Hurry up and get on with it!
- Recognize the five stages of grief: Whenever there is a loss of any kind, one is bound to go through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, blame, depression and finally acceptance. Try to start with acceptance. (Then you can skip the rest, hopefully.) By the way, these stages aren’t always in the same order. It is different for everyone. But starting with acceptance makes you go through the rest very easily. ‘Allah ki marzi thi!’ (it was God’s wish!)
- Say a big ‘Alhamdolillah’ and ‘Thank God!: Count your blessings. Just count everything you have. You can stop at five, ten or twenty. Hurry up. You have things to do…
- Go out and give something to a less fortunate person: Do it with your own hands. Don’t just sign a check, or give online. Okay, do that first, then take a meal and go and give it to someone yourself. That will give you the greatest happiness. (It will give you the greatest happiness even when you are already happy!)
- Meeting with yourself: You are now ready to embark on your new life! Jump up and down and do some exercise, then get that journal, and plan your whole life out, (without the – you-know- who-or whatever-organization- it-was). Remember: it has now got to be a BETTER life for you! Also, pray for the well-being of the unfortunate organization or the you-know-who, too. We are being very magnanimous here now!) jokes, aside, this is important also.
- Decide to do no foul mouthing: You cannot go fast out of that zone by talking against the person or management. Remember, it was never all bad. So, keep it that way. Go out into your new life, with your honor, dignity, grace, poise, peace-of-mind, happiness, all intact.
I’m dying to say something that I said when I was very small and my mum gave me a good beating.I said, ‘phoo makhi baitha!’ – apparently, someone had taught me that. So, I got another whack for that! Now we sit and laugh about it. I’m sure I didn’t find it funny then, at the age of four!
Now, I do.
So, a time will come when all this will be a thing of the past. You will be into your future.
You will look back at this time, and thank Him for His blessings. So, Stay blessed, my dear one. You are great. 🙂
This is so beautifully written mama♥️
Thank you Janu. Love your comments, as you are my inspiration with the blogs!
Beautiful advice!..Shireen your posts are simply amazing. Everyone can relate to them so easily.
Thank you so much, Sajida. I’m so glad the posts can be related to. Stay blessed, lovely one.
Shireen I will put it in this way that when you’re wounded , you do not let your wound open. You need to stitch it up. More early you stitch it up more quickly you’ll heal.
I agree accepting tremors in your life will made you more strong and self dependent.
Once you are done with all this you will become more serene nd peaceful and content because you have accepted Allah wish n will.
Much love. Stay blessed nd inspirational. ?
Kiran my dear friend, how beautifully you have put it. I hope all those who read this blog post will also read this comment of yours. In fact, you deserve a prize for one of my best comments! So, I’ll be gifting you my book, Tulip of Sinai, if you don’t already have it. Love and tight hugs. Plz inbox me your address.
Flaaaaaaaaaaatered. No I am not having your book. I would love to have it. It will be my honour. ?????♥️♥️♥️
You have all the qualities of a Shaheen! Send me your address, your book is coming! Or, in the next art class? Anyway you like it. Let me know.
Address coming your way. Yayeeeee I am so excited. ??
Beautifully written article as usual.
Thank you janu. Really value your comments and opinions.
Very well explained. I love reading your always beautiful articles. Keep it up and God bless you.❤️❤️
Thank you Shehzadi,
It is always encouraging for me as a writer to receive positive feedback from my Readers.
Shireen,you seem to answer all my questions…I feel that I was in dire need of listening all this…You’re more than amazing…May you keep enlightening us with your beautiful words.
Deep down we all are humans, and our feelings are bound to be shared. It is true, these are all steps towards walking to the future.
Thank you for your comment.
Much needed article to read on at this stage of my life. It give so much hope and positivity which i was not finding anywhere. May Allah Pak bless you and give you energy to write such beautiful gems more and more and heal people’s heart.
Yes Sana, we all need it. I’m so glad my blog post was of use to you. I’ve spent a lifetime having great writers’ articles and books being of so much use to me. Literally life changing.
We are blessed if we can find the right guidance to help get on with our lives….
Thank you so much for your comment. It means a lot for me.