Many of you want to be more self-confident. Actually, it is all about building one’s self esteem. Frankly, that is what parents do for their children. Unfortunately, if your parents or your circumstances didn’t do a good job of it, then you’ve got to build it yourself. This post will help you build your confidence, and give points on how to build it in your children too.
No need to overthink. Also, stop that blame game; we know it isn’t only that. Become the commander of your own ship, yourself.
We have seen how the same family has some children who are over confident while others are totally withdrawn and under-confident. Well, parents do have different attitudes towards some children too. Oops! I’m a parent and better be more careful. We poor parents are human too.
After eighteen you are responsible:
So, grow up and stop blaming your parents, siblings, zalim samaj and teachers for the problems you face today, due to lack of self confidence. It is you and you alone, who can build your self-confidence now. Let’s get to work.
Good news: you can re-build yourself:
This is the whole beauty of life. As long as we are alive, we can improve and change the situation. Yes, we can help ourselves become more confident.
Make your own life exciting and thrilling at any age. You just need to love life and your self. Have a good laugh with your loved ones. Live cheerfully, not fearfully.
You will need to rebuild your confidence many times in life:
It isn’t just in your twenties, or thirties that you will need confidence. My dear, it keeps happening in life, that you need to re-build your own confidence every time you find yourself in a new situation, age, phase or stage of your life.
You can rebuild your confidence by being more well informed, and taking life easy too. Stop being so serious about your life. No one else is either, they hardly notice you anyway, everyone is so engrossed in their own lives.
Confidence is all about feelings:
Personally, I believe that confidence is all about how you are feeling. You are now, in-charge of yourself and your feelings. If you are feeling low, make yourself feel better. You know what makes you happy and what doesn’t. (Don’t ask others, ask yourself!)
You do not want to become over-confident either. I’m sure of that. We all have seen some masterpieces around us, who are so over confident that we want to run away from them. They only believe in themselves and do not care a damn about others. Also, what they believe about themselves isn’t true either – they aren’t the best in the world – even if they believe they are!
I’m sure you will agree that you want to be more realistic about yourself, so you do not end up becoming the laughing stock of others.)
The goal is to be confident and have a good self esteem while knowing where to improve one’s self also. You are also working on yourself all the time. Reading, or watching YouTube videos on self improvement can do wonders for your confidence. You can also reach out and have some mentors who can help you move forward, by improving your shortcomings.
Unrealistic approach can be deadly:
If your parents didn’t give you too much confidence in yourself, be grateful they didn’t make you over confident either. Because, as I see it, that is a more deadly state to be in. Such people are a recipe for disaster in real life. When parents make a child believe that he or she is the best – no matter what – then they are giving the child a wrong impression about themselves.
One fine day the child will find out the truth, and it will be too hard to handle. These are the kind of people who later on go into drugs which is a form of self-abuse. Simply because they cannot handle or face shortcomings in themselves.
Remember, no one is perfect either.
This comes from knowing that you aren’t perfect, and still are lovable. Remember, that is how everyone else is. You are no exception. Just face the fact that each day you can improve yourself and polish your talents, becoming a better version of yourself. This will give you confidence. You are fulfilling the basic requirements from you, in the best possible way. For instance, in these days, due to Corona, we all have to follow SOPs. Even if we do our best, we can’t take 100% care. However, if we can somehow manage 80% of these, then it should be fine too.
It is the same with our own selves. We all have handicaps of some sort, even if we have been blessed with all our faculties.
Vilfredo Pareto’s 80/20 ratio:
If we can be 80% of our full potential, then that is enough to give us confidence. The rest of 20% we can keep trying, by attending workshops, watching YouTube videos and finding ways to remove our own shortcomings. Yes, we all are a ‘work in progress’.
Ten confidence building feel-good activities:
- Greatest confidence comes from being honest. Start by being honest with yourself. Use the Powerful Weekly Plan here, and the daily time table here.
- Start your day with gratitude for all that you have. Then connect to the One Above. Maintain a hotline with your Allah, saying prayers and reading passages from Holy Quran. (Or whatever mantra or Bible you believe in).
- Take healthy meals in appropriate quantities.
- Be among people who boost your morale; through text or video call or with their presence.
- Do exercise and keep an eye on your weight, and BMI.
- Take at least one daily shower and wear clothes that make you look and feel great. Try to be appropriately dressed for an occasion; so keep a good wardrobe.
- Listen to music, and read books. Watch motivational videos like Qasim Ali Shah, Robin Sharma, B.K. Shivani, or anyone else you like.
- Earn honestly and work hard at it and become financially independent as soon as possible. No matter what age-group you are, do it. Nothing like earning your own keep to make you fully confident. Halal ki rozi is amazing.
- Give time to loved ones, with full attention.
- Learn something new regularly. Keep a time slot for learning. Be interested in finding out about new developments. Do free courses in subjects of your interest, or do online courses in what you are good at already, you can take your expertise to another level.
Some confidence boosting activities:
- Take your hobby to a new level; you can upgrade and update your present hobby, by working with your mentors.
- Make new friends.
- Travel to new places.
- Learn something new about your smart phone, computer or smart television.
- Read a book on something totally different. For instance, my friend Tanveer always read fiction. Once when she went to the British Library in Lahore with me, she saw me visiting the non-fiction books’ sections. She started enjoyed reading non-fiction too. So, you can introduce new types of learning into yours and your friends lives.
- Doing charity work or volunteer work for charity. This gives one the greatest confidence and morale boost.
Stay blessed and keep that beautiful smile on your face. 😊
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