After I wrote my last article, I found out that my dear friend Shahida Apa met her Maker at 7.am. on 7th of February, 2018. Yesterday, the 8th was the burial. Inna lillahe wa inna ilaihe rajiun. Indeed, to Him we belong, and to Him we return.
Last night I just couldn’t sleep. A deep sadness was all over me. I wondered how I’ll be able to deal with it?
You know, I found out she was 91 years old! Can you believe it? She was so amazing, right till the end. I met her at her home just a few days ago. She wasn’t too well, but still able to talk to me in her own loving manner. Such a gem. She was leading such a full life. – Such an active one. That is how I want to be. I suppose everyone would like it that way. But how many of us would go so much out of our way for others? Allah had to call her Home, after all, even Prophets have an end to their times.
So, I couldn’t sleep last night. She isn’t a relative, but her presence just a couple of houses away, made me feel as if I have someone who cares, nearby. Suddenly, I felt a great void…
Just didn’t feel like doing anything today. So, I thought that after reading my usual sipara, I better go out, knowing I won’t be able to sleep in the afternoon either. Where to go? A bit of exercise would have helped. But I felt it wouldn’t be enough. I needed my ‘sadness therapy’ – getting plants for my lawn. (Otherwise, I’d get flowers for myself.) Recently, I had re-planned my poor destroyed garden.
Lately, my dog Magic has literally destroyed my whole little garden. All the flowerpots, with plants are a thing of the past. Even the grass is all gone. So, I’ve resigned myself to the situation. (I did try selling him, but it only lasted one day.) I’m saddled with him. He is so aggressive in his love for me, that I have to hide inside while he is outside.
So, now that I was upset, I thought I better get out of the house and execute my latest plan for a ‘low-maintenance lawn.’ I need to see my favorite nursery for plants and saplings nearby.
So, I got flowerpots of different flowers which I’ll put on top of my boundary wall. I bought rosemary, iceberg, and several palms’ flowerpots.
I was quite thrilled to find enough rocks for my place and stones. So, finally I got home and have planted these, and placed the flower pots on the wall. I took help of my staff in placing the palms in such a way outside, that Magic cannot destroy them. As I write, he is sniffing at them, but I’ve put rocks and stones around the flowerpots so he cannot dig into them, (hopefully.) He did taste the leaves too, but then decided he didn’t like them much. Lets hope he continues this way.
Recently, I had noticed that he won’t go for plants which are surrounded with stones. So, I also put some gravel, along with the stone-like chairs.
I guess old Flintstones would be quite happy with it all. After all I’m also living with a wild animal!
Im still trying to grapple with my loss. This morning I sat down and wrote all that I had learnt from being with Shahida Apa. That made me feel better. Somehow, this is the hard part of loving someone. You miss them too much. She certainly taught me how to live a life, though I could never be anywhere near her.
During most of my problems that I’ve faced in life, this has been my way to deal with misery and sadness. Just go out, and do something to get diverted. Most folks do shopping. Well this is also shopping, but of a different kind. I feel that getting plants is more satisfying and it involves a lot of growth and development.
Calling friends is good but then, you invariably end up talking about the exact things that are upsetting you. Sometimes this helps. Sometimes it has the opposite effect. So, you need to watch out.
It is good to be doing something like cleaning up or getting flowers for yourself or something which needs you to go out and do something. When you are home looking at the plants or flowers, that really helps.
Last night, as I stayed awake, I kept thinking how prepared for death am I?
Hmmmm, how much are we prepared! Lots to do. Well that is another time, another blog. For today, my sadness is better now. Specially, because that dog of mine hasn’t still messed up the plants yet!
As they say, it is better to have loved and lost, rather than not to have loved at all.
Stay blessed, dear Reader. How do you deal with your sadness?
After all, having known such a positive person, one needs to regain one’s equilibrium quickly so one can get back on the road again.
I have no words to express my feelings because Im so far from all of you & especially at this moment. I met her a month ago. She was the one who always ready to answer my questions. I will always cherish her leadership & guidance. I will always miss the presence of truly loveable & kind person.
May Allah SWT grant her highest rank in jannatulfirdous Aameen
Thank you Asma Aamir for your words. She was truly a gem of a person who showed us how to live a life proudly and independently. She was like a beacon light for us all.
May almighty bless the departed soul in peace and heaven.
[…] and friend. Still I was sad, so I wrote about the sadness and how I tried to cope in my own way Dealing with sadness. So now, I’ve written a list of things I’ve observed in Shahida Apa, which I believe are the […]