Challenges My Life

Getting life back to normal

After the crazy spell is over…

Farm house of my aunt Shahnaz Jafar and my uncle Brig. Jafar Khan. .

All of us go through busy spells in our lives. Though we often talk about it, and feel tired, but in fact we wouldn’t have it any other way. After all, we are busy doing what we want to do in the given situation.

We mothers tend to get a double shift because we are getting directly involved with our children’s lives, even when they are all grown up.  When my children were small, my elder friends often said this, that it doesn’t get less busy! They were so right.

Pakistani Orchid blooming in my home. I planted this tree six years ago. 🙂

As one’s children grow older and less dependent on you, your parents start becoming more dependent.  Now your own parents take on the role of your children and the responsibilities keep getting even more.
In my case, my mother had two falls in Feb/March. That really floored me. Now she needs more help and more often. Meanwhile my one daughter was getting engaged, and the other was leaving the country. Also both parents were facing the chest congestion that go with this season. It was a challenge all round.

Alhamdolillah. All these matters have been happily settled.


Then my Nadiya was leaving our country with a heavy heart as her husband received immigration permission to Canada. So, before moving to Canada Nadiya spent three weeks with me.


We had many lovely moments together. Including her teaching sessions with me, where she fills me in about computer, and online stuff (just like her papa would), including a session on driving: How to make a correct turn: She is pointing out in Urdu to me, how we Pakistanis often turn our cars wrongly, taking up the space of the other car on the road.

Having quality time together felt good, as it gives one time to prepare well, and give one’s family all the time possible. To do and say the things one has wanted to share in person. Specially to hug tightly.

Every time, a child of mine has moved far from me, I’ve developed psychosomatic symptoms. (Previously, I’ve had claustrophobia and panic attacks.) I was wondering what would it be this time? I found out soon. This time I got chest pains, and ended up in hospital, with the nurse telling me,

‘dil pay na lay liya karein har baat.’ (don’t take everything to heart!)

Meanwhile I drove my cuties up to Monal, and we had so much fun.

Of course, Nadiya dug out all sorts of friends and colleagues to go hiking and picnicking with. I’m sure you followed her on Instagram and her blogs which told all. Naturally, we made those digs at her, like:

“So, you came here for us or for them???”

Well, I did take her to meet Urdu Mom’s Tamania who is happily settled in Canada and is in Islamabad these days. It was a thrill to realize she is staying very near my home. (I’m such a fan of her vlogs, blogs and instagram, that I felt great meeting her!)

So, then we drove off to Lahore, in Nadiya’s dashing red Honda City. That drive was so much fun. The words from our favorite song: held real meaning: (song from Jab We Met, Indian film.)

Hum jo chalnay lagay, chalnay lagay wo rastay,

Manzil say behtar lagnay lagay hein yeh rastay!


 We stopped at McDonalds and had breakfast there. 29791132_1902969416403008_8731035294193875452_nMy precious strawberry milkshake fell upside down next to the car, we burst out laughing, as I was really looking forward to having it. Then as we laughed we saw the cleaner nearby also laughing  along with us. So, we gave him a tip to please clean-up for us!

I went to Lahore to see her off from there, and to spend time with Haaris and Roomi. So, when my friends arranged a get-together in Lahore,

30222262_1904160892950527_8770453025228587008_nI got that same dig from Nadiya,

‘did you come here to meet your friends or to meet me?’

So, finally, they left for Canada, and I returned home, as I had to do the reading at the NBF, which I’ve already covered for you in my last blog.

Now, I’m finally back to my own life.

I read these words and felt this:

And then it happens. One day you

Wake up and you’re in this place

You’re in this place where

Everything feels right.

 Your heart is calm.

Your soul is lit. Your thoughts

Are positive. Your vision is clear.

You’re at peace, at peace with where

You’ve been, at peace with what

You’ve been through and at peace

With where you’re headed.

 –Word porn.

Now, after saying a big Alhamdolillah, I’ve got to get back to my life again. Life is really so beautiful now a days. – So much better than it ever was before. This time, I could watch within a few seconds everything that my two daughters living abroad want to share in their days through their instagram. We are constantly in contact through WhatsApp. Here is a blog by her.

Layover in London

How wonderful is that?

I’m fine now. I know they are fine, and so am I. You know, all we parents need is to know that our children are fine. Then we feel on top of the world!

Meanwhile spring at my home was in full bloom. In spite of my destructive Magic, my Lab.

To be able to have a video call is awesome. Makes one feel so happy. Yet, I want them to have and enjoy their life, as I’ve done at that age with my husband in my new homes. Those days were so precious and wonderful. I want them also to enjoy those precious moments together. In life it is so important to have carefree time together, to discover new places and enjoy conversations with each other. They also need to find and meet new people from different back grounds, and to have those wonderful conversations with complete strangers.

Back to my life! Where was I? First of all, I’ve been hit with extreme exhaustion. Felt so tired. I’ve rested, so, I’m finally feeling a bit better. I’m glad my Samdan, Roomi came over and spent a few days with me. We mothers have to get our bearings to a new life now. So we watched Cake, and enjoyed it.

It is good to share our love for our children and to be proud of their accomplishments. She has returned home to start the next phase of her life now.

My book has to wait till my paper is written out. But before that, I’ve got to get this blog out of my system. I don’t know about you, but I need to have my ‘chats’ (blogs) and share with you these moments in life with you.

Oh no. I got back to my life, finding myself very exhausted. Yet, I found that my friend Aisha’s father wasn’t well at all. I hurriedly went over picking her children along, from her home. We reached hospital to find her father breathing his last. Yes, in that same ICU section of PAF hospital, where my father had been in April last year. (Remember when the doctors had given up on him?). Today, he is fine, Alhamdolillah.


Here was her dad. His time had come. Suddenly it all came back to me. These last moments which I witnessed of my own husband, looking at my friend’s mother, I could so connect with her. So courageous saying, La illaha ill Allah ho, Muhammad ar rasul Allah. Inna lillahe wa inna ilaihe raajiun. The words that give one strength as you watch your loved one taking off for his journey to the next world. I felt grateful for being there at such a time. I cannot forget to this day, all those who were with me on that fateful day, over six years ago. It is such a binding moment. When life stands still. You move like a puppet. You are numb. Yet everything happening in slow motion is getting recorded…. So, the burial was done same late evening. Dua was yesterday.

A life completed. Makes me want to get back to my life quickly, and finish all my unfinished ‘jobs’.

This morning, something happened: I was too tired to get up for my Mom’s washroom visit. As I was struggling with it, the maid hadn’t arrived… I opened the Quran (as I usually do every morning,) these words were the first words from Surah Luqman: 31. (Ayat: 14,15),

We have enjoined man concerning his parents – his mother carries him in her womb while suffering weakness upon weakness and then weans him in two years – That’s why we commanded him: “Give thanks to Me and to your parents, and keep in mind that, to Me is your final goal. If they argue with you to commit shirk, of which you have no knowledge then do not obey them; however you should still treat them kindly in this world, but follow the way of that individual who has turned to Me. After all, to Me is your return; then I will inform you about the reality of all that you have done.”


The doorbell rang. The maid had arrived. A while back, Mum, Wal and I had our tea break. Now, its time for our lunch break together, excuse me.

Such words always give one strength.

Allah has His ways of making our hearts feel happy and better. These days He has sent us a Jacaranda extravaganza:

All I can say is a big thankyou to my Maker.

Stay blessed my lovely reader.



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  1. This is just so beautiful my mama jaan:( You are our biggest inspiration, motivating us in the most positive of ways, even when we have are moving so far away from you. Now that I’m a mom I know how hard it must be for your heart and yet you’ve done it so many times. Love you jaan

    1. Thank you my Jan for your comment. It gives me the thrill I need. ?Firstly, this is how it’s been for me too. As a young girl I too had moved on with my husband to my new homes. I remember what wonderful times they were. This is the natural process. It is also the other side of parenting to let go when the time comes. To be proud of you all’s achievements and have confidence in my own upbringing. Most of all to have faith.
      Thank you for being so appreciative. You know how to make it worth it. Love and tight hugs.

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