How to have friends and keep them!
Friends are some of the greatest treasures that we have. They play such a vital role in our lives. There are all types of friends in our lives. Some are very close, some are just acquaintances, the common factor is that you feel happy just being with them. They make a difference in the quality of our lives. They enhance and enrich us. Yes, having a true friend is priceless.
How can one have true friends?
Here are a few points that come to my mind:
- Always be your own self with your friend. Do not put on a false image.
- Say exactly what you think, or keep quiet. Never say something you don’t mean.
- Be truthful. Yes, at all times. Yet, never say anything that may hurt them in any way.
- Take their truth. If a friend isn’t in a situation to talk to you now, and tells you so. Take it with no hard feelings.
- Be there for your friend. Especially during her hard times. Whatever time the friend needs you, be there for her/him. It maybe night or day, make time.
- Build happy memories: Create occasions to meet, and just have plain fun. Go out for lunch, tea or dinner. Go for drives, movies, and have parties.
- Keep refreshing the relationship. Any relationship will grow stale if it remains at the same level at which you met. There has to be growth and development in you and your relationship with your friend.
- Keep your friends’ secrets: If a friend tells you a thing which is confidential, keep it confidential. Do not ever tell on your friend.
- No comparisons: Each individual is unique, you are, and so is your friend. So, why compare?
- Never hold grudges: It is vital to let bygones be bygones. Also, if something has hurt you, or you find perplexing. Speak out at an appropriate time and place. After that forgive and forget.
- Be understanding: Supposing, I’m living in Islamabad. I find out that my friend came to Islamabad and didn’t even call me, what to say of meeting me. Doesn’t matter. It is okay. If I, as a friend, cannot understand the simple fact that sometimes, when a person comes for a wedding or some occasion, there is really no time to meet. Then who else can? So, it is all right. It is the same when I go to my friends’ city. She should know, that if there was time, I would have gone over. So, no hard feelings.
- Accept them as they are: Never being judgmental. Respect what they stand for, be it religion or anything.
- Be caring of their family members too: Give respect and regard to the family members, like husband/wife, children and parents, their other friends.
- Withdraw, if its the wrong relationship: You do not have to stick around with people who are totally against all that you stand for. So, just withdraw. You choose who your friends are. If they are no longer your choice. You do not have to stick around!
- Find ways to be together with friends: On the other hand, when you have good friends, make time for them. Even when yours and their lifestyle is crazy busy, make sacrifices and find ways to be with them. Never go into things like, ‘I’ve been to your house twice, now you come twice!’ No keeping count in friendship!
- Treasure and nurture: Good friends are priceless. When you have them do everything you can to keep them.
As I look back at my life, I realize my friends have played a great role in keeping me so happy.
Whenever, I have any problem, or even when I don’t, I keep calling my friends, to stay connected with them. What would life be, without my friends? Luckily, I’ve made friends as I’ve traveled, and been to new places. I’ve made friends with young people half my age, and with persons who were much older. Sometimes I met people by chance, and within minutes we became friends. There are students who have turned into friends, and are now in my Facebook friends’ list. There are mentors who have become my friends too. I have no age, socio-economic or religion barrier for my friends. Sincerity is the key here. No dress code either. 🙂
Especially when my daughters were to get married, I’d call my college friends at all odd hours. Since my mother isn’t from this culture, so she has no idea about these arranged marraiges. I trust my friends with all sorts of issues, specially this one. They too are very patient with me, knowing I have no one else to ask. Some things are too silly. Yet they need to be asked, (if you know what I mean.) They know how to guide me because they are in the full picture. That is because I’m truthful with them. There are no false airs and graces. Nothing put on for show. We love and respect each other for who and what we are. We are not friends to use each other to be of use to each other. I believe, that is the worst motive for friendship.
I suppose it is so important to be truthful with relationships.
If a friend is very rich, she knows, I really care about her, not her wealth. If she didn’t have any wealth too, she would mean the same to me. That is the important thing. No comparisons, no evaluations. The only ingredient is love and respect.
Am I just talking about friends, or all relationships?
I suppose these two ingredients matter in all of our relationships which includes the teacher/student relationship and the mentor one too. As well as the husband/wife relationship.
As a mentor at the Finishing School, besides teaching Interior Design, I had mentoring sessions with young girls (aged 18 to 35). The biggest problem faced was lack of true friends. At the same time, the most well-adjusted ones were those who had good friends. We all need friends, in all shapes. One person cannot fulfill all human needs of ours. So, it is all right to have different friends.
As an only child, I’ve never felt the lack of siblings as I’ve almost always had good friends wherever I went.
I wonder why?
This morning I was writing something in a book given by Rubina Hasan, my dear friend. In it I was to write friends whom I’ve known for the longest time. The earliest one was the one I still have since the age of nine years, (Shib was six years old then!)
We remained in Lahore till we were in our teens. Then she left to settle in Calgary, Canada. We haven’t met for thirty-eight years, (we reconnected last year online, ) we still feel the same towards each other!
It is the same with all my friends. I’m truly blessed.
“Hey, you keep calling me for this problem or that, and you have other friends too, so how do you decide, which one’s advice to take?” Asked Fitrat.
“Well, I only talk to one friend at a time. Based on the friend’s field of expertise, I seek that kind of advice from her, which I know will fit my circumstance too!” So, in this case, I’m only asking you. When it comes to property issues, I’ll talk to my friend Fairy.” Similarly, when it is a religious issue I’ll speak to my friends, Fairy, Seema or my mentor Mahjabeen.
If I just want to laugh and joke, well that includes all of them! – So, I’ll call them one by one, during the month.
If you have good friends, stay in touch with them. Remember how, when you are feeling low, suddenly a friend calls, and you get so insanely happy. So, come on, pick that phone and make that call, see the dear face and have a nice chat.
Stay truly blessed! 🙂