Now comes the hard part of life. Learning to forgive those who have harmed you or tried to!
All my life, I’ve tried to be a forgiving person. But sometimes, some people really do some very unforgivable things to you, and that too, deliberately, with the desire to inflict pain and hurt. Due to this hurtful stuff, it is TOO hard to forgive!
“How can I forgive them?” I asked my friend Fairy.
“Do it, to please Allah. You know, He likes those persons who forgive others. He is Himself forgiving, so just do it for Him.” That really sounded and felt good. Why look at the faults of the defaulter? Why not look at the benevolence of the Maker? Why follow the traits of vindictiveness of the cruel persons on earth? Why not follow the greatest Forgiver of all?
I keep thinking of all the atrocities that people of Makkah had done to our Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and his friends, relatives and followers. Yet, when he went as a conqueror into Makkah, he started his tenure by forgiving everyone. All of them had been dead scared knowing all the cruel things they had done, yet, they were forgiven.
Ok, so I’m not a prophet, nor one of his disciples. I’m an ordinary human being. There is my favorite Urdu verse by the renowned poet and last Mughal emperor Bahadar Shah Zafar, which would help me too:
Pari jab nazar apnay aibon par,
nazar mein koi, bura naa raha!
Its meaning in English goes like this :
When I look upon my own faults,
In my eyes, no one is bad!
Who could know better than I, how many follies I’ve committed? So, forgive all. And hope on the day of Judgment, my Creator will forgive me too! He keeps saying in Quran: He is the ‘oft’-forgiving. Knowing, the minute He forgives us for one thing, we end up doing it again! – What is He to do????
Since it has been troubling my mind for some time now, I spoke to Abbas Husain about it and he said “Forgiving doesn’t mean that you are ready to forget it all, it means that you are ready to get on with your life and move forward!”
Well. It happened once that I had forgiven someone, and still Allah really gave a bad time to that person. So, I spoke to my spiritual guide, Mahjabeen, “I had forgiven, with all my heart. Then why?” She said, “when a person forgives a person who has committed great cruelty on another person, then Allah punishes that person even more. He says look what you did, and still that person has forgiven you – now I won’t spare you!!!” I am often told, that those who have been cruel to you will rot in hell, or that they will get punishment in front of your eyes.
No. That wouldn’t ever give me any pleasure.
I’m not made like that. I never wish ill on anyone, no matter how cruel they have been to me. I never find pleasure in pain being inflicted on anyone. Even on my enemies. All I want is that they should stop harassing me.
So, when we forgive a person, I guess, it is important to also clarify this point to our Maker, that I still do not wish Him to inflict any pain on that person. Preferably, a realization about how cruel they were, and at what a time, would make me feel better! That is all. The rest I leave to Allah.
My heart needs to be clean and clear, so I can proceed with my life, now onwards….
Then I think of another point. No one is cruel all the time. Entangled in all this are the good parts too! After all, if we were in a relationship with another human being for a while then that person had some very good points too. So, what I want to mention here is the importance, of remembering the good parts that were in any relationship also. To mention the good parts of those personalities, as you mention the bad parts. This exercise, will make forgiving easier to do, too.
There is the example of Japan which had two of its cities destroyed by the atom bomb, thrown by USA. Afterwards, they decided to forgive and get on with life. This decision made them one of the best economies of the world. It was heard that they said “Perhaps, we would have done the same in their place!” They made one decision, never to invest in defense warfare and weapons again, and concentrated in building their industry in other fields, excelling in most.
This is what forgiving does to a person, or a nation. So, it really is best to forgive, and get on with one’s life.
Don’t you think so?
Thanks for reading! – Sure means a lot to me. Stay smiling and stay blessed.
“And I thought I was the only one”
Its great to finally hear that one isn’t alone in that way of thought, of letting go simply because we don’t want to grant any neuronal real estate to anything negative.
If I may add…
We also don’t know whether the bad happening to us at the hands of another is perpetual, or if it is going to be a means for reformation for others just like it became stimulus for reform within us. I mean just imagine how different things would’ve been if Mandela had reacted bad to his imprisonment and taken vengeance after being released; maybe a whole country might still be torn and millions of lives would never have seen a better future.
Or if the prophet Muhammad ﷺ had not been forgiving then maybe we wouldn’t have seen the change thats there today. (So by mercy from Allah, you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So Pardon them and ask Forgiveness for them and Consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then Rely Upon Allah . Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].)
The ripples of our actions go far beyond what we can comprehend. Maybe the person whose actions we see as not-so-good towards us turns out to be better by our leniency and forgiveness towards them, and from that itself is brought forth much good. We never know.
I write this that maybe others reading might also know the value of forgiveness. Holding grudges first & foremost lowers one’s own quality of life, so its not just about doing others a favour, but looking out for one’s own self as well. In the end, except negativity, everyone wins.
Aunti jee your blog inspires to start one’s own! Please keep writing, I for sure am subscribed.
Maliksaab, your words give me more strength. Thank you so much. Stay blessed.