Challenges Food for thought Positive thoughts

Am I to blame?

Hi Everyone!

I’d love to believe I’m perfect. It puts me on a pedestal, while everyone else isn’t. Great feeling! So, whenever whatever happens I blame it on everyone else.  Great. I think most folks are like that. Only problem is; If I’m not part of the problem, how can I become part of the solution? There is no control here.

 As I write, I’m feeling this great connection between taking responsibility for what goes wrong in one’s life and taking control of it.


Accept responsibility, take control:

If we accept our fault and take responsibility for what happens to us in our lives, then the solutions also rest on us.

Sounds rather too simplified. But, doesn’t it make more sense. (I tell you writing is so therapeutic. On top of it, it is synergistic.) You find out deep rooted issues within, as you write!

There are times when others are actually to blame. Fine. But when we take responsibility to solve most of the bad stuff in our lives; then only a small part is left in other people’s hands.

 I can certainly deal with a small part, when the larger part is in my control.

The hard part is accepting our own fault; the easier part is finding solutions. Again, the tough part is implementing the repair work. It takes a tough outlook to take the responsibility of what happens to you. After that make a list of your faults due to which the problem occurred. Then implement your own recommendations.

You are in control here, my dear.

 Facing pitfalls:

Leave your ego outside the door while doing this. You have to be candid. No one is perfect, start from there. Of course, you and I rarely make mistakes, (most of the time we are perfect,) but when we realize it, we immediately get back on our pedestal after the remedy.

Most issues are based on finances

Believe me, it is …. almost always.

This happens because we don’t have the ‘time’ to face the issues at the right time. Later on, we weep and wail.

You know you need to spend around an hour a day on financial management of your own income, expenses and financial plans and implementations. Do we?

If you don’t have any funds to ‘manage’ – more reason for you to spend that hour learning why you don’t have these? You have even more work to do.

Why I’m writing all this:

It is because my painter Nasir, (not his actual name,) couldn’t come over to do something I had asked him. He has never – and I say ‘never’- been unable to do things for me, in the nine years I’ve known him. Why? Because he was out of town for the ‘chaleeswan’ of his mother who passed away last month. This means, that after losing his mother he will hold the fortieth day anniversary – I don’t know how else to explain it – to express his love for the departed soul by inviting so many people for a meal and prayers for the departed soul.

It is a common practice among all social levels.

Doing this in the name of religion, (when it definitely isn’t;) and in these Covid19 days, makes it life threatening for the invitees. Just think of the costs… in cash and life! Of course, I tried to explain that I hadn’t done any chaleeswan or barsi of my husband or my father.

I’m furious:

My mind boils…. He is the same person who asks for money to save the life of his wife for her treatment.

I’m all for charity, but for those who cannot afford anything. Not the ones who waste money elsewhere and then are in a harrowing situation in their lives later on.

How much are we to blame?

It made me think – how much are we to blame for what happens to us?

We are to blame for most of our problems! (Hahahaha.) This is the truth. The inevitable response is: ‘log kiya kaheingay?’  ‘What will people say?’ If that is so, what will they say when you go round with a beggar’s bowl later on? Have you thought of that?

Or, what will God say when you later on take out your frustrations on the weaker members in your family due to your own mismanagement of resources?

Decisions like:

Number of children, choice of schools for your child, choice of clothes and false airs and graces. Same is the case with too much hospitality ending up in debts.

Bad decisions, bad ripple effects:

A lot of extravagance, later on ending up with debts, and cruelty on women folks in the family. Because the ‘weaker’ members of the family or society are the ones that get hit the most.


Pure bad financial management:

So, you do the bad financial management, then go begging to others for cash when you are in a soup. I’ve been in a financial soup. But thank God I didn’t go round begging. I knew I had to solve my own problem myself.

Anyhow, the point is this:

It’s all your fault!

Remember your mother (or your boss) saying this to you? Yes. It is your own fault. You are to blame. Face it and move on to finding your solutions to it. Actually, it is good that you are at fault.

Being at fault is the best:

You are your own worst enemy and best friend. Work it out, my dear.

Of course you can ‘work it out’. If you have nothing else, use that blob of gray and white matter lying between your ears. It is called a brain. If you put your mind to it, you can do it.

Isn’t it true that:

  1. I’m over weight because: I need drastic lifestyle changes, stop eating too much.
  2. Exercise routine isn’t working, because I’ve not put a time and place for it.
  3. Having lack of sleep is due to not organizing my work and relaxation properly.
  4. Financial issues are there due to over spending on clothes and other items. Try to make do with minimum stuff. Avoid visits shops or online shopping for two months at least.
  5. Plan life, adjust your systems consciously and mindfully, and things will fall into place.

You can handle it:

It okay. So, now while one is to blame for what happens in one’s life, one can also redeem the situation. Nothing remains the same, Insha Allah, things will work out, once we are being more mindful, and learn from our mistakes.


Meanwhile, stay blessed and protected. 🙂

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