‘It’s a quality of prophets to realize….’ said Dr. Muwaddat Rana, a leading Psychiatrist of Pakistan.
Realization is to look within ourselves, to ‘see’ our own shortcomings, and then to find ways to improve ourselves.
Until we don’t realize where we went wrong, we can never remake ourselves, nor improve our future relationships. You can say or do what you like, but it won’t work.
See how two Prophet’s felt it:
Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) case:
I’m sure you’ve heard of the woman who brought her child to the Holy Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), saying, ‘she has too many sweets, please tell her to stop.’ He asked her to return next day. When she came, he told the child not to have sweets. Surprised, she asked ‘why he didn’t say the same yesterday?’ He said,
‘Till yesterday, I was having too many sweet eatables myself.’
How can one tell others to do something, which one doesn’t follow oneself?
This is realization.
It was Hazrat Younus, who prayed:
Realizations in relationships:
It is the most important thing in maintaining our relationship with anyone. To make sure nothing happens, and when it happens, to realize, and redeem. It is vital to restore the situation and relationship by making changes in one’s own behavior; you need to take steps to show what you are feeling. Your realization needs to be evident not only in words but by actions too.
Sometimes, a simple ‘sorry, I love you.’ Doesn’t work. More has to be done to redeem a relationship.
I know, among Christians, redemption takes on a strong connotation, but you know what I mean. I could use the word ‘restore’ also. But redemption is a little more than that. It is to make up for the wrong you did by doing that little extra bit too. That is what I feel and believe. Even Allah says if you are sorry for having done something wrong, as the person for forgiveness. (He won’t forgive till that person has forgiven either.) You can feed the poor, or fast for two months, too.
You need to do something tangible to show you are really sorry, and to prove your realization.
Journaling or keeping a diary helps:
Journaling is an excellent tool to look at your own self and ‘see’ the connotations. It makes a difference.
Write about both happy and sad things while journaling:
I’ve kept a diary since I was thirteen years old. Believe me, it helps. So, all my life, I’ve done a lot of journaling. The only thing I now realize, I did wrong was, that I wrote ferociously when I was upset, unhappy or wronged. But hardly ever wrote, when I was ecstatic or happy. So, later on, if I read my diary, one felt as if there have been more unhappy times that happy ones – which I know isn’t the case – so, while journaling, one’s got to keep balance.
Blaming others doesn’t help:
Blaming others and pointing out their mistakes and shortcomings, will never help you. Realize, where you went wrong. How your reactions could have made a difference. Being proactive earlier, can change consequences. I mean, next time, if you have realized, you can preempt situations and save them before they get bad. Changing and improving your own behavior definitely will make a difference. That only comes after realization.
Otherwise, you can go on making the same mistakes, and facing the same consequences all your life. If you don’t realize, it won’t happen.
Then you ask,
‘Why do such things happen to me?’
Life is fast, time is short. You can do bullet journaling. I like it too. You can even try both – depending on your mood and time at hand – just write five points daily. Great personalities including several US presidents, wrote a diary at night, going over the day. Seeing where they went wrong, and how they can improve matters next day.
Best thing about journaling;
Also, by writing, you can look at an issue from many angles. This is Edward De Bono’s concept of wearing the six hats. That is you look at an issue from six different points of view.
I’ve found just writing the pros and cons of something, or problem and solutions works pretty well too.
Some things, can’t be felt when someone else tells you. But you can realize it. When you look at your actions, ‘seeing’ how it happened. Then prepare a step-by-step redemption plan. You can say ‘I was wrong, and go up to the person say you are sorry. Not only that; Your behavior afterwards can show it, on a daily basis.
Worth the effort:
Believe me, if I find out that I’ve not spoken nicely to my cook or domestic help, I’ll go to him and ask him to forgive me for having hurt him. It isn’t easy cooking in such extreme temperatures. To come all the way, and then to get comments that hurt. So what, if there was too much salt in the food, one could have said the same thing in a nicer way too. Also, not in front of others. There are opportunities for putting things right. So, asking for forgiveness needs to be done as quickly as possible.
Journaling is good for one’s EQ:
In today’s language you could say that a diary or journal is good for one’s EQ – your emotional quotient. There is so much talk about IQ. – When in fact one needs to have a high emotional quotient too. If you read the book Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman, it stresses the importance of having an outlet for your emotions. A way to understand one’s self and to know why and how one feels the way one does.
In the book Working with Emotional Intelligence, the writer specially stresses how much people are affected by what they feel, rather than what they know. Most actions are fueled by anger, hatred, and feelings of revenge. – Whereas, it can be conquered by feelings of love and forgiveness.
The amygdala in the brain is an important almond shaped part which controls our feelings. How important it is to nurture this, and how it affects our actions in our lives. The feelings can be controlled by our own journaling and realizations.
How to do Journaling:
- Privacy: Your diary is yours. It is no fun if you can’t write what you feel, because you are afraid someone will read it. So, privacy is a matter of concern living in such an over populated country full of nosy people. It shouldn’t be read by anyone. I can understand why one is afraid that one’s siblings will read it and then make fun of you. So, it is a mutual thing. You all respect each other’s right to privacy and guard each other’s right for it. Of course, you can use code words when you write delicate matters and no one will understand. Or you use diaries which can be locked. Yes, you can get them. Or have a hidden file in your laptop. It is important to have your diary where you can express yourself. Mainly to write things frankly, and only then can you use it to realize where you have gone wrong in life. Then find out how to make it better.
- Regularity: it doesn’t have to be a daily thing. But not an annual one either! So, usually one writes every few days.
- Make it a scrapbook: If you take the trouble to put in your memorable things like pressed flowers, the ticket of a favorite show, or other personal things into it, along with photos and what not. It becomes even more interesting.
- Keep it easily accessible: It has to be near at hand, so you can write in it whenever you feel the need to. Best place is a lockable drawer in your bedside table. Orin your cupboard, or even in your bookshelf. Whatever, place you feel is good enough, and where it won’t be touched.
- You can have rituals with special time & place: Sometimes having a scented candle burning while you write, or soft music feels great. Having a time, like first thing in the morning or last thing at night when it is your ‘me time’, then you are free to write. It can take five minutes or thirty minutes – as you like.
- Agenda: Usually it is something that you can’t discuss with anyone else, you discuss with yourself here.
- Facing shortcomings:Do write what you want to improve about yourself and how you plan to go about it.
- Love yourself: As you do whatever you do, be kind to yourself, and loving too. Praise and acknowledge your journey.
OMG you are still reading! Love you so much for reading all this way.
Stay blessed, lovely and handsome ones.